Emotional abuse?

[RLEOM]

Is this emotional abuse?

*Telling you not to ask questions they don't know the answer to (how do you know if they know the answer you don't ask?)

• being told that you're stupid and you can't complete a simple task

*telling you you're not allowed to breastfeed

*refusing to take pictures of you throughout the entire relationship but will go out of their way to take pictures of everyone else, and then buy a female friend a picture of her holding your newborn baby and buying you an empty mummy frame, knowing how much you've begged him to take pictures of you

*refuses to talk about anything that is impacting on your mental health or around health and safety concerns of baby

*will do radio silence when he doesn't like what you've said

*wanted to lock you and your baby in a flat so he can go out with his female friend

*having an emotional affair under your nose when you've just had a baby, bringing the woman round every weekend, leaving you sat there feeling very uncomfortable

*leaving you unattended for an hour during a medical emergency after having a baby because he thought you were faking it (he did call an ambulance before leaving me in agony whilst he sat in the living room)

*shouting at your newborn telling her to shut up

*ostracized you because you had bad post natal depression

I know it's all abusive, and there's more that I can't think of right now, but I want to know how bad it is, because right now, I don't know what's right from wrong.

OP, this is extremely bad. Really, really bad. The treatment of you is horrendous enough, but refusing to allow breastfeeding, and shouting at the newborn is awful, and my concern would be that it could escalate to physical harm of the baby. You need to speak to your HV or GP straight away and get advice. Do you have family or close friends you can speak to about this? You need help to get away from this man as soon as possible. Hopefully someone else will come along with more practical advice .

Really very bad, next level bad. Have you got support IRL? If not (or even if so) women’s aid are a good place to start. You honestly don’t have to live like this

OP it’s all wrong, very wrong. PPs has made some good suggestions. You really don’t have to live with this, and you definitely shouldn’t be making your baby live like this. You have a choice, the baby doesn’t, and what child wants to grow up with an abusive dad and a mum who is so utterly worn down that she doesn’t know good treatment from bad any more? One day that’ll be your child, so get some help and spare the two of you.

Thank you. I left him in January but he still continues the silent treatment.

At the time, I had bad PND so couldn't see the bigger picture. Him telling our baby to shut up really hurt me and I wouldn't put it past him carrying on that treatment towards her when he has her (he's good with her when she's good but he can't deal with her being upset).

I have a feeling he's going to take me to court for access. I want to tell the court about his behaviour but I'm so scared they won't believe me as he always "wins" in these situations - I'm always unheard when it comes to him.

I don't want him to not have shared resindency but I want the court to consider his abuse. But like I said, I'll go unheard because that's how it's always been.

Call Womens Aid, they will be able to advise you on what you might be able to do about it.

Has he applied to the courts yet? He might be threatening you but unless you’ve had a letter with a date then don’t worry too much. The chances is are that he’s just using court as a way to get at you but has no intention of actually doing anything. If he raises it again just be cool, ‘you’re within your rights to go to court if you wish and we can work things out there if you prefer.’ If he sees you’re not that fussed about him doing it he might just drop it, as its power over you has gone.

Either way you should contact WA. They will be able to advise you on how to deal with him and if he does apply to the court they can also help you through that.

He sounds like a prise twat, well done on getting him gone.

@Whatisthisfuckery thank you. He's not threatening me with court but he's doing radio silence again because I told him we should stop overnight residency for a while until she's a bit bigger as she gets bad separation anxiety. I've always put his feelings above hers but now I'm stronger, i put hers first. He didn't like it. And, to be fair on him, it was said during an argument. But I did my research and was advised that he see her more. I put this forward to him. Nothing. I've asked him if he's seeing her this weekend and asked about mediation. Nothing. The silence makes me believe he's taking me to court. It's the silencing and invalidation of my views and opinions that scare the life out of me.

He used to tell me he'd get full custody whilst I was pregnant. I'd be up at night, rocking back and forth, repeating to myself that he was going to take my baby and it still haunts me to this day. He said he was playing when he said it but he said it every day for a week until I broke down.

I did try WA a few times yesterday but they didn't answer.

Keep trying WA.
Are you using the national number or your local one?
Ignore his crap.
He cannot and will not take the baby.
Keep all of your messages with the lack of responses.
You will be showing that you are trying to keep contact going but he is not. That will work in your favour.
Keep it all on text and email so you have a paper trail.

He is really abusive and you've done so well to escape.

Thanks @hellsbellsmelons

I tried their national number, didn't realise there would be a local number.

My main problem will be how I was after I left. I never stopped him seeing her or anything, but I was a nightmare. I had access to his social media and therefore watched what he was doing for 2 weeks after. I saw him trying to impress a woman by telling her that our baby didn't like me because she was playing up with me (separation anxiety after being at his for the weekend) and was belittling me because I had to move back in with my dad. I used his account to message the woman saying she was welcome to him, so that won't go down well in court. I'm not sure what they class that as these days, but I know I did wrong with that and I know it's frowned upon.

Did you hack his account?
This really won't impact on you.
You can show what he was saying about you and that you were just defending yourself but I have no idea legally.
Don't worry about that 1 little thing.
What he has put you through over the years is what they will look at.
And what he has been doing is totally ILLEGAL.
So he had best watch out.
Did you find a local Womens Aid number?

@hellsbellsmelons sorry for the late reply. I found out last night that he's taking me to court over shared resindency because I told him we should stop overnight access for a while as she has bad separation anxiety after coming back from his. Instead of replying, he ignored me. I asked online about separation anxiety and shared resindency, and people said more access. So I messaged him about more access. Nothing. I sent him a message about mediation. Nothing.

Turns out he went to mediation by himself so he could take me to court.

And this is his problem. He won't discuss anything about our daughter, even health and safety concerns. He stonewalls me instead. In fact, I told him that he should tell me if he has any safety concerns about me regarding our daughter and that I'd like to think he'd tell me. His response? "No, it'll be on your head if anything happens to her." Her safety isn't his priority, getting one over on me is.

What the Hell do I do?

What is he doing that's illegal?

It's called domestic abuse and it's now been recognised as an offence.
Thank goodness.
It's been a long time coming.
Domestic violence was an offence but even emotional, financial, verbal abuse is an offence.

Start by contacting Womens Aid.
You need a professional organisation on your side.
If he is taking you to court then WA can also help you with this as will know solicitors in your area who are used to dealing with abusers.
Rights of Women may also be able to give you some advice.
If you don't fear them then social services can also help.