Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Flip

Original poster

5 month old & he’s left me... just need to get stuff off my chest!

24 replies

Em0203 · 20/08/2019 04:31

Ok so... I just need to get stuff of my chest so I hope nobody minds me just typing away! I’ve been with my fiancé 5 years, I took his son on as my own (now 8 years old), we have a mortgage etc.. & we now have a 5 month old baby together! Things have always been fine in our relationship, since we had the baby... things have actually been better than ever.. my other half works away from home, but when he comes home.. the time we’ve always spent together has been great! We are currently on holiday (the 4 of us) abroad.. & the entire holiday he hasn’t really been 100% himself with me... & then last night we bickered slightly & he ended it with me!! I’m honestly so confused, feel like my hearts been ripped to shreds and wondering what i heck I do now with a 5 month old baby to care for on my own! I’m sorry to rant but I needed to get all this off my chest & even if no one replies, at least I’ve typed it :(

OP posts:

Sherl0ck · 20/08/2019 04:42

I am so sorry, what a massive shock for you .

Teaandcrisps · 20/08/2019 04:56

Oh my - that's really over the top reaction from your OH. Did he give you a reason? So sorry your going thru this x

flamingpink · 20/08/2019 05:00

There must be more going on here. That’s a huge reaction to bickering. What was the row about? Are you financially secure? Are you holidaying in the uk or abroad?

Original poster

Em0203 · 20/08/2019 05:07

Thank you for even replying honestly! So since we’ve been here he’s been off with me & I've questioned it a few times & he’s just said I’m making an issue out of nothing. Before we came out here I saw some stuff on his computer history about ‘how to hide stuff on your iphone’ etc and he said he had searched it for a mate at work which I didn’t quite believe.. but since I’ve questioned all that with him, he’s been slightly off! We are generally financially secure, I mean not as well off as we were before we had baby but that’s natural, but we are in a good place, bills paid, spare money etc!
Yesterday he had come back to the room after having a bit too much sun & when I came back with the kids baby was screaming as he has a cold etc... & OH was moaning slightly cos he had a headache & I said why are you moaning? He’s been an angel the entire holiday and now he’s unwell... he’s going to cry! & then he just said ‘oh you know what, we are done!’ ... and that was that!

OP posts:

edgeofheaven · 20/08/2019 05:09

He’s cheating and looking for an excuse to end it by blowing up over a small fight. So sorry OP.

Original poster

Em0203 · 20/08/2019 05:12

@edgeofheaven thank you for replying! Do you think so?? Thank you again xx

OP posts:

Fucket · 20/08/2019 05:24

I think edgeofheavan has it.

He’s having an affair and I think it’s incredibly common when a baby arrives on the scene.

Will you be ok when you get home? Please tell someone in real life and get some support ready for when you get back.

Teaandcrisps · 20/08/2019 05:24

Is he drinking a lot as well?

Themutts · 20/08/2019 05:25

How old was his first child when he left the mother? Only asking because some men have a pattern, they can't deal with the baby stage and he might have done exactly this once before.

Original poster

Em0203 · 20/08/2019 05:33

Thank you @fucket I definitely have lots of family and friends once I get home thankfully! We leave tomorrow so I’m looking forward to being back with my family!
@Teaandcrisps he hasn’t been drinking at all no!
@themutts I did think the same but his other son was 3 when they broke up!

OP posts:

Chunkers · 20/08/2019 05:38

Sorry you are going through this, especially away from home and without your friends and family around for support.

It does sound like there is something going on with him outside your relationship. He’s been a shit to dump this on you on holiday 🌺🌺

rainbowstardrops · 20/08/2019 05:49

Oh that's really crap for you. Being grumpy on holiday is one thing but looking up how to hide things on your phone is very worrying. Obviously I don't know the bloke but it sounds like something is definitely going on behind your back.

BlueForgetMeNot · 20/08/2019 05:52

So sorry you are having to go through this OP, especially while on holiday! Not fair at all. Stay strong and take each day at a time. I really hope you're ok.

Sherl0ck · 20/08/2019 05:59

The timing of his overreaction with no other explanation as to why he feels that way makes me think someone else is involved.

Pleased you are heading home to a good support network.

Windmillwhirl · 20/08/2019 06:03

He wasn't looking for his friend, he was looking for himself. I'm really sorry he has done this to you.

WhoKnewBeefStew · 20/08/2019 06:18

So sorry op it does smack of OW tho

hidinginthenightgarden · 20/08/2019 06:24

My first thought was there is an OW.
Hiding things on his phone, acting strange and snapping at you for something small and overreacting.

Have you asked him since if he meant it? If therre is someone else?

TokenGinger · 20/08/2019 06:34

From the first post, I thought Other Woman. Your second post of hiding things in an iPhone confirmed that for me. Nobody in this day and age needs a friend to search something on the internet for them when you can clear your internet history with the tap of a screen, so you may as well search it yourself.

I think he's cheating, OP. I'm so sorry for you x

Mary1935 · 20/08/2019 06:36

I’m sorry he’s treating you like this. It definitely screams other woman and the working away would fit in.
It may sound cruel but will he be taking his son off to his new life.
Go to your friends and family and real life support.
He’s a cruel selfish pig.

Original poster

Em0203 · 20/08/2019 07:11

Thank you everyone from the bottom of my heart for your replies! I shall focus on getting home tomorrow, being around good people and gathering my own thoughts and just having some me time with my baby. I never ever expected this to happen, not in a million years... but I guess now I just have to be strong and deal with it the best I can, for my little boys sake xx

OP posts:

chugmonkey · 20/08/2019 07:41

So sorry this is happening for you. The best you can do now is bide your time, try not to have any big arguments. Consider your financial status, make sure you are secure and have some funds that you can access that he can't.
When people get caught out they can react really defensively and that can bring out-of-character nastiness. Use your energy to secure your position ( not an easy thing to do with such a little one but necessary all the same).
Even if he confesses / apologises, it can be so appealing to forgive and forget and head back to a previous 'happy state' but stay wary. This is an alarm bell.
Good luck OP, be strong.

Zaphodsotherhead · 20/08/2019 09:38

I agree with everyone else. He's been up to something, you've started to find out so he's engineered an argument to finish your relationship.

Sending you strength.

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 20/08/2019 09:43

Good luck OP, just ride out the next couple of days and go and stay with your family with your baby while you work out what to do next; just get some headspace from him.

He doesn't get to dictate everything. You have to put yourself and baby first.

Also agree with other people that there is more to it and he's been up to something. But don't let finding out 'what' distract you from getting the best plans in place moving forwards, in terms of where you've going to live and finances etc.

I know you've had a shock but you sound very together and smart. Use your energy to plan the best future for yourself, he can get stuffed. He's blown it and he doesn't deserve you.

whattodowith · 20/08/2019 10:14

Agreed with everyone else. He’s either having a full blown affair, an emotional affair or has had a ONS and doesn’t know how to tell you so has used a cowardly approach. It’s almost blaming you in a way for the split so he doesn’t feel so guilty.

How horrible to do this on holiday though when you can’t even escape him! Wretched man.

Flip

Swipe left for the next trending thread