Will I ever make new friends or find a boyfriend?

[ilovethebeach23]

Hi everyone,
My first post here. I'm stuck in a rut. Recently moved home to live with parents after finishing degree. Have a nice job, but commute several days a week and don't get home until late on those days. They change each week and can change last minute too. All of my friends live far away, and I feel really lonely at the moment. However, I have no idea how to meet people my own age. I don't like drinking, so don't socialise that way. I can't join an evening club/class, as I would end up missing sessions all the time due to my working hours (also have to work the odd weekend, so same there). Aside from this I had a terrible emotionally and sexually abusive relationship previously, and despite this ending 2.5 years ago I'm so scared of meeting anyone new (not even that I know how... OLD hasn't worked for me) and letting them in (and living at home isn't ideal either in that sense). Basically, I'm just lonely, but also anxious and don't like meeting new people anyway! There are no people my age (early 20's) at work, all 50+. Just don't know how to meet anyone as a friend or boyfriend and am worried I'm going to spiral into a bad place because I'm lonely and not socialising at all. Any advice would be so gratefully received, thanks for reading this far x

think of this period as a phase...it will pass. In the meantime, could you consider saving hard to move away and be closer to friends? Or begin looking for a more suitable job?

The job might be nice but it's restricting you a lot. Another thing you could do at your age is save up and travel for a year...if that interests you.

There's also the website www.meetup.com/en-AU/cities/gb/

Which is a great thing. It's just for friendship and you can find people in your area who also want friendship...I think you can search by interests too.

I made a very bad choice through thinking what was only a brief period of loneliness would be forever. It ended up with me and two children being very unhappy. This is just a brief part of your life. Things will change and you will meet lots of new friends. Just give it time. Could you maybe start some ad hoc volunteer work at all?

Clubs and groups don't expect 100% attendance unless it's a team sport. Find a couple you'd be interested in, go alone and tell them your circumstances. Yoga classes etc are often come when you can.

OP, you sound lovely. I am sorry you are having such a hard time.

What do you like doing? It sounds as if you some socialising , variety, hobbies and fun would be good for you right now, never mind dating. Could you join a gym, or as Things says, find a group or club and explain. Your job sounds especially tough in terms of schedule but lots of people have jobs or caring responsibilities or something that means they can't turn up every week and need to change plans at short notice.

I am early 50s and have made friends of all ages through my volunteering and gym habits - it is much easier to get to know new people in gradual and friendly way when you have a shared interest or activity IMO and IME. In any case, some activities will help with anxiety and loneliness ss perhaps, even if they don't lead to "proper" friends...turn up, smile and join in and try not to worry.

Wow, thank you all so much for your replies, your advice has been so helpful. You are so right about this just being a phase, I need to remember that.

Thank you for the link to the meet up website, I haven't heard of it before and will give it a try. The reason I am living at home is because I am saving for my own place, plus the city where I work is so expensive to live, upwards of £1,000 a month for a one bed flat! Whilst my parents are happy to have me at home and pay much lower rent than that I think it's a sensible arrangement.

I already do volunteer work with a group I have been involved with for six years, I don't want to say what as it's quite niche but it's not something I am able to quit if I want to continue doing it in the future, so I don't have a lot of scope for volunteer work. I will definitely try the meet up website though and maybe see if anyone likes the outdoors/going for walks etc., as that is much more up my street.

Thank you all so much again x