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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationship with recently separated man - am I crazy?

7 replies

BrunaBaba · 19/08/2019 17:45

Long term lurker but frequent NCer. I mostly lurk on threads and rarely post, but here I am for a change!

Last January I met a very very freshly separated man while I was out one night. He had moved out from FH 3 weeks before meeting me. We flirted, liked each other and just clicked. He asked me out and I accepted, thinking that it would be just a fun fling and nothing more, given his circumstances (mutual split from wife of 20 years with DC after years of dead marriage and growing apart). I fully expected it to fizzle out within a couple of weeks.

However, we slowly started spending time together and while I was initially extremely guarded, over time we have developed such a caring, loving, fun and respectful relationship. We make each other very very happy and both see a future together.

After 6 months of dating he told me he was in love with me, and I said it back. I think we are quite sensible about the situation, and wouldn't dream of moving in together/ introducing his DC so soon. We see each other when he doesn't have his DC and do lovely things together, but also spend time at his or mine just watching telly and snuggling. I have met a few friends of his and he has met mine, we are planning on going away on a weekend break in the Autumn. It just feels so right, like a happy, healthy and loving relationship.

I am however acutely aware of the stigma surrounding dating someone so fresh out of a marriage. Rationally I think it is madness and I can see a million objective reasons why it should not work. But it just does work in reality!!

I keep expecting he will wake up one day, freak out and change his mind about our relationship, even though he gives me zero reason to doubt his feelings. He hasn't expressed one single doubt about wanting to be with me. He is nothing but caring and considerate, and apparently madly in love.

Am I crazy for dating someone so recently separated, even though the relationship is great and we make each other happy? Am I a total fool? Am I going to regret this bitterly one day?

OP posts:
noego · 19/08/2019 17:52

Stop overthinking. Go with the flow. What is it with people that they have to question and analyse everything.
Just enjoy the experience. If it goes tits up deal with it then. If it doesn't go tits up then you've cracked it.

NK1cf53daaX127805d4fd5 · 19/08/2019 18:03

Stop creating issues where there aren't any. He could have mourned his marriage long before he left it.

NeonK · 19/08/2019 18:06

You could be my ex's new partner (apart from the fact they moved in together after about 2 months). They met about 3 weeks after he moved out of the family home. Still together and seem happy from what I can tell.

I'll admit I thought it was a rebound thing but seems like I was wrong.

Agree with others, don't overthink it and see how it works out.

crappyday2018 · 19/08/2019 18:11

The fact that you met by chance is a good sign as he wasn't necessarily out looking for a rebound relationship. Its just timing!! He may have been over his marriage a long time ago so meeting someone this early doesn't have to be re-bound.
Its good you are being careful though and just try to continue to take things slowly and sensibly. It doesn't sound like a problem though. Enjoy.

Rubbinghimsweetly2 · 19/08/2019 19:34

I met my boyfriend 6 weeks after I left my husband.

Together now 5 years and engaged. I'm so happy I didn't second guess myself.

These threads and this forum in fact can be a little dangerous. He could have been talked out of being with him as I was newly separated but the reality I was done and when my husband drove off, I waved then came back into the house and put a wash on. I knew my own mind.

Just go with the flow op, your relationship sounds like mine and I'll be damned if someone told me otherwise because we met so soon after I separated.

Good luck to you.

BrunaBaba · 20/08/2019 16:04

Thank you all for your kind messages, I guess you are right, I need to stop overthinking and just enjoy the relationship!

Sometimes online forums send me in overthinking mode for apparently no reason... Grin

OP posts:
JacquesHammer · 20/08/2019 16:08

My ex met his wife about 3 weeks after he’d moved out.

They took it very slowly and are happily married and have been together 5 years now. She’s lovely and far better suited to him than I was Smile

Good luck!

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