Found out about engagement ring

[Lolly920]

Hi everyone, I found out that my boyfriend has bought an engagement ring as he used our mortgage current account card to buy it. Careless! He didn't know that I knew and yesterday we had an argument about our future and he questioned whether we were compatible. So I confronted him about the ring and asked why he would buy one if he wasn't sure and all he could say is because he loves me. Now I don't know what to do as in my eyes it's been ruined. How can it be the same after hes questioned our relationship after buying the ring. What should I do and are my feelings understandable? Thank you.

I think big steps to commitment do make people panic a bit and start analysing (usually over analysing) a relationship. People so say things in the heat of an argument. Perhaps when you're both calm, you need to really talk this out.

Did he buy the ring from a joint account? Cos that's weird.

When you get engaged it’s time to reflect on the relationship and the enormity of marriage.

Think of it as a cooling off period!

Thanks for your replies. He bought it from his account but both of our accounts are linked to an offset mortgage so the total balance dropped by £3000.one day after he asked me not to look at the mortgage statement. So obvious.

8 should probably add we've been together for 10.5 years.

He’s having a wobble after making a big decision. We all do it!
After 10.5 years together you would hope that you are compatible!

Have a sit down together. Be kind to each other.

Do you want to get married?

Who started the argument?

If it was him, he is obviously wobbling after buying the ring.

I guess he might be questioning his own motives. Did he buy it because he wants to be with you forever or because it's the logical next step, the thing everyone does?

He hasn't actually given you the ring though, you just know it was bought. I'd be wondering who exactly he bought the ring for. The arguments & questioning whether or not you're compatible could easily be his way of leading into breaking up. Is there any chance he's been seeing someone else?

@EileenAlanna how on earth did you come to the conclusion that he’s seeing someone else??

You’ve got a mortgage together. Marriage isn’t that much bigger than that. You’re already all in.

Wait till you calm down, talk to eachother. And if you love him and want to be married, don’t let a silly argument put you off.

Rows happen, don't over think it. People say things they don't really mean. It hasn't ruined anything. That's daft and that's a pretty hefty sum to spend on a ring for you so he must be committed.
Neither of my skinflint husbands could be arsed to buy me a ring.

This is immature . He obviously loves you . You are the silly one for looking at the account when he asked you not to . You should’ve just waited . No wonder he is questioning it all , he loves you but you are bloody hard work .

How can he have ruined it? It’s you that has ruined it

Aside from what he's said, you sound quite angry and more annoyed that he didn't hide the money going out than pleased that he's just bought you a £3k ring and wanted to propose.
How do YOU feel about it all? Do you think you're compatible?

Hmmm

Could it be that he was trying to gauge your answer to his proposal?
Nobody wants to get a no when proposing.

What was his actual phrasing?

He's definitely not seeing anyone else. That's what I thought and he knows that I want to marry him, we've spoken in length about it. I saw the ring in a shop and told him I loved it so I know it's for me. I guess I just wanted it to be perfect.

He’s bought a ring that you noticed and loved. That’s really nice. The source of the funds is a bit worrying I suppose, but try to enjoy your engagement. Congrats!

Thank you :)