Sorry for ambiguous title but I’ve name changed as have posted various things over the past year questioning if DH has been emotionally abusive/manipulative. Think silent treatment, angry outbursts, minor name calling, storming off without saying where - even on holiday. Joint counselling wasn’t helpful & led to his own counselling which just seemed to validate his reactions (his childhood had made him feel vulnerable etc). I’m now having my own counselling which he doesn’t know about which has been helpful. My therapist wouldn’t say if she thought he was abusive but did say that in a healthy relationship that word wouldn’t enter your head.
Anyway, after a mixed holiday (you may remember my post about him being really affectionate for the first few days then saying I wasn’t reciprocating enough at which point it all stopped), he said he could handle things like me going in the spare bedroom a couple of nights a week to escape his snoring (another issue but I set an alarm at 5.30 on those days so we are in the same bed to wake up), if there was affection outside of that. I suggested to my therapist that I try to make more effort to be affectionate but put sex on the back burner to build on other things for now). She thought that was an emotionally mature proposal.
It’s been going ok for the past few days although it felt weird to start with. But if we are affectionate in bed after a minute or so he’s up my top which puts me on edge. I have not said anything. After a good weekend when we were close & happy I thought, he’s put an arm over me in bed this morning (crack of dawn but there you go), I’ve done the same but The next minute he’s leapt out of bed, slammed the door, swearing under his breath. Says I’m being a block of ice & he can’t keep up with my moods.
I’m so confused but there’s a niggling voice wondering if this is all part of manipulation- we got close so he’s moving the goalposts re temporary ban on sex which he originally agreed on.
Please somebody tell me what you think.