Don't know what to do

[Jezebel2104]

So I got back with my ex after some problems. Had a month apart then got back together in June. Now I realise I don't want this 😱 and I don't know what to do. There is a history of abuse but since we got back together he has been lovely and saying how he has never been so happy and how much he loves me. I hate the thought of hurting him.

Put yourself first, act on your instincts and be true to yourself, don’t live a lie as that will be a life of unhappiness

I am just so stupidly soft and afraid of hurting him

Another poster summed this situation up the other week with "never reheat old meat".

Please think of yourself and don't compromise for his happiness!

I am just so stupidly soft and afraid of hurting him

You're hurting him much more by keeping him occupied while he could have met the love of his life instead.

He keeps telling me I am the love of his life. For some background, we were together for 16 years, apart 11 years and back together just over 2. We originally split due to his womanising and drug use. He is 65 now and swore he had changed, but the drug use is raising it's ugly head again. He relies on me to sort out his credit cards, etc
I am terribly confused, I do care about him but not in the way I should

Leave, your happiness is worth more than his in this situation. Sorry to be blunt but you don’t love him so leave.

I sound pathetic I know but I just hate the thought of hurting him

He didn't care about hurting you when he was womanising etc so don't worry about hurting him. He's probably using you anyway. You sound lovely and you deserve better.

I do care about him but not in the way I should. I have no one to talk to about it and have got to the stage where I'd rather kill myself than finish with him, I've built it up so much in my head

what do you mean by sort his credit cards. I hope you don't pay them for him as that's him using you.

Don't mean to be brutal but sounds like he sees old age looming and sees you as 'old faithful' who will now take care of him in his dotage, regardless of how he has treated you over the years.

Do you have children together? If so what do they think?

No children. I mean I do balance transfers etc to save him paying interest. I also do all his typing. We don't live together although he wants to. We did years ago and it ended up with me having huge amount of debt. He doesn't behave like he did first time round which is why I feel bad about finishing it. I live with my mum, my dad passed away suddenly 2 and a half years ago and I support her emotionally. She thinks the world of my boyfriend and feels sorry for him that I want to finish the relationship. My head is in a terrible place at the moment. I see no good future for myself

Please can someone help me 😭

You can do this my love. We are here. What do you want to do? What does your future look like without him in it? He didn't feel guilt to you when he was being abusive, womanising and the rest did he? He may have changed a bit now but he is still far from perfect. The fact he still uses drugs means he hasn't really changed. What steps do you need to take to extricate yourself from him?

Are you quite a bit younger than him OP? Would be interesting to know the age gap.. it seems you do quite a bit for him and he doesn’t do much for y9u except say nice things. Actions speak louder than words. It sounds to me as if he is making strenuous efforts to get you in the position you were before, when he took advantage of you and you had to split. If you feel that strongly for him you could continue to have a relationship but don’t please mingle money together. Stop paying for his credit. Look after yourself. He’s a user. A man of 65 should be able to manage his money without having to leech off a woman.

You're obviously feeling guilty and are worried about upsetting him which is understandable. But he will be absolutely fine. No one likes rejection but it has to be done.
Why are you so scared of his opinion? Why is his welfare more important than yours? Honestly, we have one life only, don't stay in a crap relationship. Get it ended and get on with enjoying what you have left

I'm not that much younger than him, I'm 53. Yes I know I need to stop being so pathetic. He is working away until next weekend. I will have to sort my head out before then. It makes me feel worse that be is calling every day to say how much he misses me 😱

Yes he is saying lovely things to you. It’s because he needs to have you fully committed to allowing his very poor treatment. I’m sad to think you would let somebody exploit you like this just to save your mothers feelings - it may be that you have to explain to your mum why you don’t think he’s the catch she thinks he is. Does she know you pay his credit cards? And what is he buying with your money, by the way?