Feeling sad and pathetic-need to offload

[Thisisanillegalbingogame]

So I know I am being pathetic and naval-gazey!

I have been separated for a number of years. I have two children whose father is fairly crap-doesn’t pay a penny, barely involved-but that’s not the point of the thread.

He is with someone else-i have no problem with this-she’s nice enough and I certainly don’t want him. She is pregnant with his baby and now he’s playing happy families there which is just making me feel unutterably sad that I won’t have this with anyone. I have been single since we split up-no childcare or opportunity to meet anyone and am getting to the point where will soon be unable to have more children.

I don’t even know if I want more children-am just sad that my ex is doing this again but does nothing for the children he has. He took our children to meet his girlfriend’s family today and that hurts.

I know i’m being silly-what he does is none of my business and I’m trying to focus on wise words I have read in here over the years about the more people loving my children the better but right now I feel like the full, crappy, ranty mum with nothing to offer.

Sorry-pathetic rant over. Not even sure what I am trying to say

I haven’t any advice but didn’t like to read and run. It sounds like you’re perhaps grieving what should’ve have been you’re life or grieving his lack of care and responsibility towards his existing kids, yet dotting on his unborn child. In turn this could be making you think of your own situation and biological clock. Which is only natural.
Does his present partner not see how neglectful he is to his existing DC - that would turn me right off a guy.
Is it possible for you to get a babysitter and go out with friends once a month even. It’s important for you to get head space and let your hair down.

Hi thanks for your response. You’re right that I am pissed how he treats our children. She does know because I had a massive go at him and laid it in the line deliberately in front of her but I also know what a liar he is and how he will have painted himself as the wronged party because I spent years listening to it. He’ll do the same to her.
It just makes me cross!

I understand how you feel. It sucks a big one! as a pp said, try to get an evening out occasionally and treat yourself well. A crap dad remains a crap dad regardless of how many women he breeds with. You're the much better, constant parent to your DC. Hold your head high knowing this

One day...she will be you.

You're in a better situation than she is , at least you know the truth , she has all his bs ahead of her .

I’ve been in a Similar position. ex reproduced with someone else. And obviously shes welcome to him he’s a shit person/father. But just don’t get that he doesn’t support or overly give a shit about the kids he has so why go off and make more? Or even if I saw my partner not pay or support his kids not a chance I’d be having any with him (or be with someone like that) you wonder what the excuses are or if the bar is so very low on her part she’ll sleep with anyone really - which in the case of my ex’s new woman is true

You’re not pathetic, you’ve been a grown up and given your children a loving parent. He’s failed, and that’s not feeling fair to you at the moment. Rant away, those feelings are better here than anywhere!

Concentrate on yourself and your DC’s, it’s bloody hard being a parent, you’re doing well.💐

I understand how you're feeling, and it's not pathetic. My ex told me - just a few weeks after we married - that he'd never actually wanted children and only said he did as he knew I wouldn't marry him otherwise.
I was devastated (particularly when I miscarried a (obviously unplanned) pregnancy and he was utterly unsupportive but used it as a way to get sympathy for himself from his family 🙄) but convinced myself I was ok with it and didn't end the marriage.
He then had an affair, left me for her and they have a baby together now. I'll never have that, because he's taken that away from me and I hate him for it. It makes me desperately sad that, despite having a pretty decent life now, I'll never have children and wasted so much time on him.

Not pathetic at all.

I think that you should pursue the maintenance aspect, though. It’s not what your thread is about, but I thought I’d say it anyway! Actually, it might make things easier for you emotionslly if there is fairness with the finances.

Hi-sorry-have only just had chance to check in on my thread-manic day!

Thanks so much to everyone for your responses-it really has helped and I know that I will re-read them when I am feeling low over it all.

Sending you all many