Sexuality change...

[Tequiero]

Has anyone else experienced a sudden change in their sexuality later on, as in 30's? I've always been attracted to men, and am married with 2 dc, never had reason to question my hetrosexual life, but over the last year or so, I've developed a quite sudden, but intense attraction to women, in particular, a female friend and I cannot stop thinking about her. I've been taking more notice of women in general, and feel very sexually attracted to some of them, and don't seem to have any physical attraction to dh, or men in general, anymore. My feelings towards this one woman in particular are very overpowering and consuming my daily life. DH has said I've become distant, and keeps asking what's wrong, but I cannot bring myself to tell him about this, especially as I don't know if this is just a phase that will pass, although I was trying to tell myself that a year ago, and things have just got more and more difficult to ignore. Please tell me it's not as weird as it sounds, and someone else has been in my situation.

As I've got older I've begun to appreciate that finding some women attractive isn't a "quirk" of mine and that it might form part of my sexual identity. My husband knows I sometimes fancy women but I've never done anything sexual with another woman (and I doubt I ever will) apart from passionate kissing when I was in my teens/early 20s.

What you're experiencing is totally normal but remember you don't have to label yourself. Pretend this woman you like was another man - what would you do in that situation? Are you committed to your husband? If so, and you have no intention to pursue this, then allow yourself to indulge in the fantasy and enjoy it for what it is. Remember, they're only thoughts! Allow yourself to have them and they will pass. If you feel you absolutely must experience intimacy with a woman, or you'll regret it, then you need to consider how that would affect your relationship with your husband.

If it was another man, I'd still be finding men (inc my husband) sexually attractive, and would obviously be faithful to my dh, and not act on an attraction to someone else, I'd work on our marriage and try to rekindle the spark. The issue is, I have no desire whatsoever to be intimate with him which is obviously causing huge problems, and I actually find the thought of all men really unappealing and completely uninteresting. It's making me feel like it's something we're not going to be unable to "work on" or improve, as I don't see how I can change my sexual orientation back to what they it to be. I guess I'm just hoping someone will tell me they went through this and it was just a phase.

Me... I'm 36.

This last year has been eye opening for me.

I'm a tomboy, always have been, but always been straight, until recently.

Feel free to message me.

Not sure if I'll word this right but hope you get the gist.
You know when you first fall for someone and are completely blown away by them? You can't imagine ever having sex or wanting to have sex with anyone else? Could it be that, rather than all men? In which case, if there's a possibility I would try and create space between you and this lady so you can try and get her out of your mind.
However, if you think you are genuinely attracted now to women rather than men, that's a different story and harder to address as you have a choice to make one day about being true to your sexuality or denying it.

Can you pinpoint whether you stopped being attracted to DH before you met her/had feelings for her or if that followed realising these feelings were there? That may help you work it out.

Either way, some distance from her so you can try and work it out would probably be helpful. It sounds a very confusing time for you.

Is it a sexual or romantic attraction ?

Being attracted in such circumstances is not only normal, it is healthy. From a very young age, the vast majority of us are encouraged and conditioned to think a certain way. This is brought about by parentsl upbringing, books, films and almost everything in life.

It can take years to discover your inner self and challenge at least some of this, some people not only never do, they don’t feel the need. With others, thoughts tend to seep through over time.

In addition, frmale sexuality can be very fluid.

With regard to what you do, that is another matter. After being with somebody long term (regardless of gender) it is common to get strong feelings for another. And feelings for a current partner can re-kindle.

It's both sexual and romantic. I feel completely infatuated with her, and as I mentioned, I am now finding other women attractive too, and men not at all. Even famous men I used to find attractive now, just don't appeal to me in the slightest, it really feels like all I've ever known has been flipped upside down, and after a year of feeling like this, I'm just wondering what to do. Ignoring it isn't an option anymore, but addressing it and telling my dh how I feel... I just don't think I'm brave enough to talk to him about it.

I change all the time from preferring men to preferring women. Its exhausting sometimes.

In what way is this women in your life? How long have you known her? Do you know if she is into women?

If you think your marriage is important, I would try distancing yourself from your friend and working on your marriage. I have found that sex life changes with lots of things - being away, kids etc. Needs tweaking and experimentation to see what works. Do you still like intimacy/cuddles with DH?

If you decide that you cannot continue then do talk to your DH and do not do anything with your friend as it will get messy unless you separate first. In addition - your friend may not be attracted to you in that way.

Tell your partner. Maybe look into going to killing kittens parties as a couple. Suppressing this isn't healthy. You might find once you sleep with a woman your feelings change anyway. I think women in general can have quite a fluid sexuality.
Wouldn't try label yourself just explore it.

It’s not fair (on your DH) NOT to tell him IMO, especially if it’s been a year!

OP it is quite unusual to reach your 30s without an inkling you may have an attraction to women. Do you have many gay or bisexual friends? Is the woman you are attracted to gay or bisexual? Do you think there is reciprocal chemistry?

Sometimes I think the unknown / forbidden is more alluring than the real thing, so it could be a fantasy that you want to explore rather than an entire change of sexuality.

Before I came out as gay I had lots of crushes and obsessions with different women. Now I am happily married to a woman I find myself lusting after Brad Pitt! Women are complex creatures. I would try and broach the subject with your husband sensitively that you may be bisexual and take it from there.

Yes, me. I eventually left my husband and felt such a relief. Most of my close friends were lesbians and I had always considered myself bisexual though. Gradually over time my feelings towards women became stronger and those towards men disappeared. You’re welcome to message me privately if you like.