No friends!

[Bob42]

Anybody else have absolutely no friends? I literally don’t have 1 single friend. Going through a rough time with my husband at the moment we are close to separating but it seems to be really bothering me at the moment. Probably cos I have no one but my mum to talk to! I did have a good friend but realised after a few years she was just a user and only wanted me when she wanted something or didn’t have anyone else. I started a new job last year working in school and the group of teachers/ta’s I work
With are such a laugh and we get on great, but they regularly go on nights out etc and I never get invited, just realise when they post it on Facebook! It makes me sad cos they obviously don’t see me as friend material?! I don’t really know how else to make friends?! I’m not a massively confident person, but I’m not shy either.

Sorry to hear you're going through a hard time. My friendships are wafer thin atm mainly because I have come to realise that I am the only person in our gp making an effort. I have also come to realise that friendships works both ways. Fed up with giving!!!

I have joined a new gym! Find a hobbie you enjoy and get yourself out there!! Meet like minded people who you can hold a good conversation with!!

With regards to work colleagues maybe suggest drinks after work or quiz night or something and tell them you are going through a separation. They might not know ur having a tough time. Put urself out there!! I know it can feel vulnerable but a little ice breaker!!

Best of luck with everything. Big hug to you x

Have you ever asked to go out with them? Why not make an effort and see what happens.

I have no friends either. Zero. Not one. I was bullied badly in school and left early, didn’t go to college and only worked on my own so made no friends that way. I literally go for weeks without talking to another adult, I also have very little family (just my sister and dad) and I’m not particularly close to either. I am always surprised when I hear of other people having no friends as it seems very unusual. My ex always use to make fun of me because of it. I don’t know what the answer is tbh!

Did you have friends before you got married?

@koffeetoast Yes but just the 1 that I mentioned and one other that me and that friend saw occasionally but that was it. So it’s not even like I had friends and we’ve drifted since we’ve settled down or anything like that I just haven’t had any for a while. I had a group of friends in school but we drifted apart when we left, I do see their posts on FB and insta but other than that I don’t see those anymore and would feel awkward to get back in touch properly. I do need to put myself out there more I suppose! I just don’t want to sound desperate and sound like I’m saying ‘please be my friend’ sort of thing. I just get so fed up and bored, I’ve had 4 weeks off work for the holidays and the only person I’ve seen is my mum, and I see all these people meeting friends and going for drinks or play areas with their kids and I get so annoyed with myself for not having anyone to do that with!

Have you joined meetups?
It's a good place to meet like minded people?

@Bob42 I agree - It's so difficult to make new friends when you're 'old' (like out of school/uni) as everyone seems to be in established friendship groups or already have 'best mates'. The work colleagues you describe probably don't invite you as you're married with kids so think you don't have time or aren't interested, I'm sure they don't exclude you on purpose. I know it's like that at my work, I have to leave early to pick up from school so can't do drinks after work, so they don't invite me.
Maybe if there's one of them you get on well with you could ask for an invite for next time. Also don't believe everything you see on Facebook - it may look like everyone's having a great time but remember they only post the best bits - no-one posts how they're eating a family bag of crisps for dinner sitting alone in front of the tv!

Also it can look like everyone else has great friends to meet up with but they're more likely casual acquaintances who you drift apart from once you lose what you had in common (e.g. same workplace, school eyc.).
I got a book for my DD who was having trouble at school 'the unwritten rules of friendship' by Natalie Madorsky Elman and Eileen Kennedy Moore, which I found useful myself! One useful thing it says is that we have different types of 'friends' - most start as acquaintances and some of those become friends and only one or two become close friends, so maybe start off trying to make more acquaintances, by going to evening classes or doing some volunteering. Doing more 'stuff' also gives you more things to talk about when making conversation with new people and helps you find things you have in common, which is the basis of friendships.

Good luck!

I’m in exactly the same boat. I’m on the fringes of quite a few friendship groups but as I’m a latecomer (or possibly just a bit of a dick, I’m not sure) I’m often forgotten about. It really does knock your confidence after a while. The worst is thinking your part of a group and then realising you’ve been forgotten about.

You make friends by reaching out. Suggest a coffee or lunch with work friends or drinks after work. You need to initiate and if they have a good time or feel you have something in common, they will reciprocate. Join a club- gym or some other hobby. I’ve met mum friends at my gym. And mum friends at other activities. I made work friends when I was working (by going to lunch or drink after work). But now I have less time to meet. However, we tend to catch up in the park while kids or dogs play.