Aibu? Boyfriend has party without me

[Yellowraysofsunshine]

Hi,
It’s my birthday today and I just need a little outside perspective as I tend to be a little miserable on my birthday (I’ve never liked my birthday although I’m usually very upbeat and positive usually)

Been seeing a guy a year, we’re both late 40’s. Everything great.
He sent me a little birthday video this morning of him and his boys singing happy birthday to me this morning and last weekend he took me away for a treat.

He followed his initial video message with one just of him wishing me a lovely day, saying he was really tired as he’d spent all day shopping and cooking for a group of friends he entertained last night.
It was some couples friends from when he was married and some friends from overseas and all their kids. It was quite a party so it seems and he described it as a very successful evening.

I feel a bit hurt that he didn’t even mention it beforehand or invite me. I thought as a couple he might have invited me?

I have met most of his friends and his children. Not his couples friends though.

I feel a bit hurt. AIBU?
Should I just expect aspects of our lives to be separate?

What do you think?

I would be hurt by that actually. If it was such an event it must have taken some organising so not mentioning it beforehand was a very deliberate decision. On your birthday weekend too 😢
Was there someone going he didn’t want you to meet?

It does sound a bit fishy. Do you see him v.often?

Hi, thanks for your reply.
He knew I had birthday plans with my kids this weekend, I couldn’t make it if he had invited me, but to not mention it or invite me in advance just stings a bit.

I know one of the wives invited is still a close friend of his ex, so maybe that presented an awkward position for him.

I hope to god his ex wasn’t there 😟
That would make me feel like an idiot.
I daren’t ask. I don’t want to seem like a nutter.

His ex still calls on him for everything.
I struggle with that. She knows about me, I’ve been on holidays with my man, met his family, kids and friends.
The ex struggles to accept the separation and flatly refuses to discuss divorce.
They’ve been separated almost 2 years.
He’s waiting for the 2 yr anniversary to file for divorce.
She is on anti depressants and is quite volatile. She sends him awful emails.

He says it’s a struggle to keep her on an even keel, but tries to help where he can for the kids.
I know he doesn’t want her anymore.

Perhaps I’m just overthinking this

Did he think you were doing something special with your family? Do you have dc yourself?

x-posted. If he knew you couldn't come then it was obviously pointless inviting you, so YABU.

Very hurtful and insensitive, especially so on your birthday. I thought there was someone he didn't want you to meet too.

I see him 2-3 times a week, with or without his kids.
I haven’t introduced him to my kids yet, although they know about him, they haven’t been ready.
My ex only moved out a couple of months ago, we had to cohabit for a few months while we sorted our finances out

If he was hiding it from you, he could have not mentioned it at all.

Were your plans with your kids in place before his party organisation?

Well if he knew you couldn't make it that's entirely different and understandable that ye didn't invite you to something he knew you couldn't attend.

Ok thanks.

I think I am being unreasonable.
I’m feeling a bit sad and hormonal.
I hate my birthday.

Thanks for giving me the slap I needed.
I’m going for a swim and then I’ll give him a call

Xx

I thought that divorce after 2 years had to be by mutual consent. After 5 years it only needs one of a couple to want divorce.

I don’t think you are being unreasonable. It’s one thing not to invite you knowing you wouldn’t be able to attend but it’s odd it was not mentioned before hand. I’d be hurt by that plus also that as it’s a couples thing would feel he did not see us as a couple. I’d definitely be asking if his ex was there

I agree it's odd he didn't mention it and give you a token invite even if he knew you probably couldn't attend. The ex hanging on would worry me too tbh even if he doesn't want her, he's not emotionally fully free of her.

Yes, the ex would have to agree to the divorce after 2 years separation but it's a lot less emotive than divorcing for unreasonable behaviour or infidelity, so it doesn't seem unlikely to me. If he drags his heels about filing for divorce after the two years, then I'd worry.

Ahhh, so many crazy (STB) ex-wives in the world. I'm surprised there's enough lithium to go around. 🤔

Tread carefully, OP, so often the crazy ex-wives turn out to have a reason or, you know, not be crazy at all.

I had similar

Was with someone for a year, he suddenly attends a family wedding

Not a peep about any of it to me

Ok so his family are weird, but that didn’t explain why he kept it secret.

I binned him.

Best move I ever made

This guy is not your forever guy, he’s a training guy

His role is to teach you to value yourself- which you’ve done. Now it’s time to let him go because you’re ready for someone who would moved heaven and earth for you.

I struck platinum, at almost 50, so no reason why you can’t!

Hold out for the one who loves you. It’s. It this bloke!

Sorry, typo

It’s not this bloke.