Did it work out getting back together with your ex

[Imjustsolost]

Hi.

Just looking for peoples opinions / experiences getting back together with an ex , how did it work out? Was the change very different? How did you feel? Thanks

I would never get back with an ex after my experience. He cheated, I took him back after 4 months apart... he promised me the world and after around a month of being back together he slipped back into his old way. Fast forward two years of being miserable and he cheated again.
I know everyone is different, but personally no way x

We got back together after 8 years, it was tough at first as his crazy ex did her best to split us up for the first year. I eventually put a stop to that and things have been amazing since. It's been 3 years, we are engaged, everything is different to last time

Me and my DH were together from the age of 14-mid 20’s. Shockingly bad relationship. Fighting, arguing, jealousy, horrific.
12yrs apart and we got back together, both of us completely different people and it couldn’t be better between us. Within 2yrs we’d bought a house, had a baby and got married. Perfect 🥰

Depends on the reason, generally no in my experience and that of women I know. The reason(s) why you split eventually surface again.

I got back with my first love years after we split up due to him cheating. We managed 6 months and it was absolutely wonderful. Then he fucked up again and I realised he’d never change. It was absolutely devastating and I don’t think I’ll ever really get over it.

No, I wish we'd never bothered.

Not for me, cos a narcissist doesn’t change. I could even see all the bad was still there but just wanted so desperately for things to work out. Wasted so much time on it all

Due to severe paranoia on his part and arguing and fighting cause of it (never gave him a reason -due to childhood) And always been v negative etc. he’s been in counseling since and had completely changed. I miss him sooo much :( he says he needs to continue to work on himself but it feels like my hearts stinging and can’t stop crying 😭

If he says he needs to still work on himself I think you have to respect that. I mean that kindly. At the moment your biggest issue to deal with is the heartbreak of splitting up, but its likely his biggest issue is facing the demons of his past which caused him to act how he did in your relationship so he can move forward and have a healthy relationship in the future, be that with you or someone else.

I know that probably hurts to imagine but think he probably really needs his space and time to work through those things that he is finally facing up to. It would be a kindness to let him have that.

Nope. What's done is done. I always had good reason to call 'time' on a relationship and I've never regretted my stand.

Sounds to me as if you should adopt my attitude with your ex.

Maybe when he's ready. Get yourself out there and meet some new people

Thanks for your replies!

We we’re together 9 years and engaged, and have one DC.

Why is it soo soo hard 😭😭

My friend was made to split up with her boyfriend at 17 when doing her A levels by her parents who thought she was too young to have a serious relationship - they had been going out for about 2 1/2 years. They didn't see each other for 17 years, their paths never quite crossed but they bumped into each other, both single and got together again and have now been married for about 21 years, everyone thinks they're the no 1 loved up couple.

DH and got back together after three years apart. We had DS1 unexpectedly in our early twenties and were both massively unequal to the responsibility.
We split fairly amicably and became pretty good co-parents. Two years later, my father suddenly got very sick and died. DH was amazing, with DS, me and and my family.
We both realised we were much happier together and had been enormous twats.
Little DS has just finished his A-Levels, he’s got three younger siblings and I thank every fucking day I climbed down from my high horse and admitted I loved DH.

Just want to say, I was the biggest arse in our initial break up. There were no red flags and he was never less than lovely.
If you break up with someone because they’ve been horrible to you then don’t ever look back. Run hard and far.

@Ariela I read an article before about people who rekindle relationships with their first love, and it said that for those who were made to break up by their parents or because of their families relocating etc. were the couples who had the most successful rekindled relationships.

They’re completely changed I’m just utterly heartbroken 😭 I can barely function and I’m in work and have to pretend I’m happy when inside I’m breaking! All I can do is cry and my eyes just fill up! 💔💔

Thank you all for your replies really appreciate them!

How long have you been broken up OP? I think you have to take his lead on this if he is trying to address problems.

Thanks for your reply! We’re split up 3 months. We were together for 9 years and have one DC 7 years old 💔

My XH is a damned abusive narcissist and I'd sooner shoot myself than go back to him. Ugh!

As others have said, it really depends on the reasons.
I gave my ExP way too many chances.
He's a narc and cheat and he won't ever change.
I really wish I hadn't taken him back the last time.

Why was he paranoid etc....
Does he smoke weed?

If he is working on himself and still needs space then I'm afraid you have to give him his space.

Thank you hells.

Yes he did until we split and had completely stopped smoking it. And I know he definitely has as his family have said same and wouldn’t unless he actually had.

He’s never cheated and I know never would, never been anything like that in our relationship.

It’s from childhood issues which he’s addressing now and is a lot more positive in general than when we were together.

We would argue over silly things. And he’s be moody and that would get to me then. I’ve suffered with depression and on antidepressants for a few years. I also started counselling last week.

It was just a circle hat would keep going round 😔

I can not comment on how it was to get back with my ex husband. I was too scared to take that step.
He became my most supportive friend and also my critic for some things I did over the years. When I was in a difficult situation he gave all the help when not even the closest family left me to it.
He became ill and I visited him in hospital every time he was an in patient. He died and I was in pieces. I did not see how I would ever live a life again. I am in tears writing this 10 years later.
I do wonder what would have happened if we had got back together. We must have had a strong bond. We both remarried but got divorced from those partners. We lived apart but when one was in need the other dashed to help.
I will always wonder but there can never be an answer to this now.
I wish OP the very best luck with this dilemma.