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Original poster

Casual thing, but I want more

16 replies

Nomoney123 · 18/08/2019 16:12

Hi all. I've been speaking to a guy online. We seemed to get on well. He's in a band, so I'd 'seen more of him 'than he had of me. I suggested we meet. His messages had been quite flirty. I'm not stupid, I guessed things might go further than dinner, so I brought contraception with me. This is not something I do. I was widowed young and my husband abandoned me 7 years ago. I've been craving adult company and to not just be 'mum'. We chatted a lot, laughed a lot and ended up in bed. I left early in the morning so as not to be missed by daughter (she's a teenager). We met again a few days later. This time the same thing happened but he was more distant. He said he had to leave suddenly around 9ish, so I left. I checked his facebook and he's put 'my siren' and a broken heart on his timeline. He had mentioned his ex quite a few times, saying she's a great dancer and that they'd talked about having kids before she left him. Im not friends wifh him on there. I've tried to message him just saying 'Hi' and just get a 'hello' back. I'm 40, he's 45 so we're not kids but I feel like a hurt teenager. I've messaged saying I'd like to see him but I know he's busy. He just said 'Hi, sorry works manic'. Should I just leave it? Does he know I'm keen and is ignoring me? I've never done this before and and as much as the attention was fun, this feels awful. His ex is 29. I feel pretty crappy now. Any advice? Thanks x

OP posts:
LittleMiss2011 · 18/08/2019 16:17

Please do not make contact with this man again. delete his numbers and save your dignity. You're 40 years old, not dead! Go for a person who wants the same thing as you. Take you out, pay you attention and give you the respect that you deserves. Know your worth please!!

Raven79 · 18/08/2019 16:31

Thank you (sorry I've changed my username). I've feel so miserable. We chatted and kissed a lot so I stupidly thought it was the start of something (not the be all) x

Feckers2018 · 19/08/2019 12:46

You are being naive. It was just a bit of fun. You cannot seriously be bothered by this as you don't even know him. Your pride has been hurt maybe. If you want a serious relationship perhaps you need to approach it differently rather than go all in immediately and assume its going somewhere. Its delusional but we've all been there.

Feckers2018 · 19/08/2019 12:48

Join a dating site and be ruthless about it! Thats what Id do.

Michaelbaubles · 19/08/2019 12:52

You suggested you meet, you clearly wanted to sleep with him, and he liked you well enough to go along with that because most men would if it’s someone they’re attracted to, but it also means you pursued him and that rarely works all that well - if a man wants to have a relationship with you he’ll do the running! Just take a step back - maybe he’ll feel like he’d like to see you again in a few days and will message you, but if he doesn’t you should probably just leave it there. He’s hung up on his ex and you’ve both had a bit of fun. Nobody promised anything so don’t feel bad about it.

Mum4Fergus · 19/08/2019 13:03

Leave things be...you are both looking for different things.

Pinkbonbon · 19/08/2019 13:05

Sorry but, he clearly put the my siren message up as a hint to you that he loves someone else (at best) or to hurt you via triangulating you with her (at worst). Google narcissistic triangulation as it sounds like he is setting you up to be the 'never quite good enough' woman. Though he probably did the sane to her when he had her.

Normal empathetic people don't do what he has just done.

Pinkbonbon · 19/08/2019 13:06

Sorry posted too soon.
Either he is a childish insensitive jerk or he is something much worse.

Either way, block his number.

WhisperingInTheDark · 19/08/2019 13:31

Ditch him, OP. Go find a real relationship.

Learn from this, and remember your short fling fondly, but that's really all it was. There are plenty of men who are emotionally available and want actual relationships.

Raven79 · 19/08/2019 13:37

Thanks. I know you are right. I feel in limbo land as we've been making small talk since. I know it's stupid but I sent this earlier: 'I miss talking to you. If you're free for a catchup that would be great. Otherwise I'll accept it for what it is'. He's seen the message and not replied. I thought I could handle this and I just can't :(

WhisperingInTheDark · 19/08/2019 13:45

Cut off contact, and give yourself at least two weeks or even a month. These feelings will pass.

MarianaMoatedGrange · 19/08/2019 13:45

He'll be in touch when he fancies an easy shag. Is that what you want? Because it's all you'll get from him.

NameChangeNugget · 19/08/2019 14:38

You’re fall back girl at best.

itsmecathycomehome · 19/08/2019 15:17

Please please stop messaging him. He couldn't have made it any clearer that he's not interested. It is sad that you'd hoped for more and really liked him, but you can't make him feel the same. Tbh the 'siren' comment alone makes him sound ridiculous. A message like that at 45, really? I think his 29yo ex has had a lucky escape and so have you.

Pinkbonbon · 19/08/2019 15:23

Agree with above post, who writes something like that? I think its manipulation to get you to feel exactly how you are feeling rn. But what other motive could there be other than flat out attention seeking. Either way it would be sad coming from a teenager, and this man is forty five! What a weirdo.

Raven79 · 19/08/2019 15:55

Thanks everyone for helpung me see sense xx

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