Wtf? Friends inviting me and xh for games night, lunches, etc.

[Waytooearly]

I've been separated from my x husband for about 1.5 years.

This keeps happening: people from our friendship circle in our home town keep inviting us as a couple to things like family lunches, games night, etc.

I mean, he and I are very friendly. When the drama of sepa3died down we decided to be friends. Now we see each other about once a month for coffee/ catch up. A couple of times we've stayed at each others' houses ( in guest room).

They definitely know we've split up. It's almost like they just want the whole gang to be together again.

It's most recently happened this morning. I saw one of the old crew and we talked about a work issue she's having. And then she invited me to a barbecue with her family on bank Holiday weekend. She added, "Bring [xh] too!"

I was so stunned I couldn't respond. She saw my expression and then said, "Or, you know, I will talk to him."

"Bring"? We don't live together!

Anyone else experience this?

That should read "drama of separation" above. New phone.

Maybe they're confused because you still meet him for coffee and stay at each other's houses? I'd be confused too...

They don't necessarily think you're more than friends (or maybe they do, I don't know 🤷‍♀️) but clearly they know you're both still close and figure if you can socialise just the two of you then you'll be able to continue socialising in the group.

Probably better this way than them having to pick between you and your ex.

Sorry if I wasn't clear. Certainly I don't mind if he's there. But issuing me an invitation, and saying it's for us both? We're not an item!

You'll just have to say that then..

'Ah thanks for the invite Sandra, you'll have to get in touch with John yourself though. It feels a bit weird for me to invite him along when we're not actually together, I'm sure you can understand? It's more appropriate coming from you.'

And repeat.

I appreciate it's insensitive of them but probably just force of habit.

Yeah.

A bit of subtext is I feel as though this group of friends wasn't really there for me when we split up. It's like whenever there's a change in your life your friendship groups sort of reorganise themselves anyway. But these were friends I've had for decades and after the sit they would just ring me with work questions as before, never once asking how I was

Does he want you back? If they were not very supportive when you split perhaps they want you back together?

You think they're parent-trapping us?

I'd prefer that explanation to just plain laziness and disinterest.

Some friends dont like friends to split up it runs the vibe has either of you moved on?

No, I had a relationship that fizzled out. It was nice but a rebound thing. It's just so shockingly inconsiderate.

I'll let it go but it's like, wow, these people don't care at all.

If you're still on such friendly terms that you meet up regularly and sleep over then it's understandable that your friends tell you that you're both welcome. I don't see the problem. My ex and I arent on friendly terms so I told my friends that I don't mind them including him but they'll have to ask him directly and not through me