Will he ever get over his dead ex?

[ConfusedElla]

I've been seeing someone casually but I think he is still infatuated with his dead ex. They were best friends with benefits and he was completely devoted whereas I think she was using him a bit. This was 3 years ago but it's dawning on me that no one will compare, including me. He says he never knew pain like that when he was with her and she was seeing others. Should I bother continuing?

What makes you think he's infatuated with his dead ex? What has he said or done?

People have different ways of grief. Of course you'll never compare to her, you don't even want to, you are a whole different person. I would have a serious conversation about the future, though. Are you interested in a future with this man?

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 it's just how he describes their relationship in comparison to everyone since. Like the best conversations, sex, that his happiness completely depended on her. She is frozen in time.

@proseccoaficionado I probably don't see a future but we are sleeping together exclusively and I care for him and just want to feel like I'm special too.

Nah.
Bin and move on.

@ConfusedElla.... I don’t mean to be harsh .... I suspect he will, but not with you I’m afraid. Time to move on

@KOKOtiltomorrow I think you're probably right. The thing is I keep thinking I'm good for him, we have great fun together but no one will ever compare to her.

Have you tried to steer the conversation away from her? Roughly how much of the date is he spending talking about his ex?

He sounds like an utter drain on your senses... body swerve OP

@NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 tbh he hardly chats about her but when he does, it does feel like she is frozen in time and no one compares. I think we have a more normal relationship whereas she was this ideal. I just can't compare when she isn't here anymore.

If he hardly chats about her then maybe, - and I mean this kindly - maybe, the issue is with you.

The reason I've suggested this is because you yourself say "I just can't compare when she isn't here anymore". But he isn't asking you to, it's you who is doing that, if you get my meaning.

The thing is she is frozen in time to him. They never reached a point where things got awkward or difficult or petered out or they argued and things ended. Only the positive, passionate memories are there. Therefore you can never compare in that you are human, your relationship will have ups and downs etc especially the longer it goes on. If he isn't willing to recognise this or understanding that it upsets you, I'd walk away.

@MediocreOmens yes, I feel like he romanticizes things. Even his friends thought the same at the time, that she wasn't treating him well but he was completely besotted. I think I need to take a step back from this one.

I'd move on. Nothing like living in the shadows of a deceased Ex partner or spouse.

But what else do you want? If he hardly chats about her it can’t be that big a deal, and he can hardly make up bad things about her just to make you feel better. I do think you are maybe the one who is making more of their relationship to be honest.

@MrsGrindah he doesn't chat much but will ocassionally say 'Miss x, love of my life'. I know he means at the time but I guess usuallu with relationships, they end naturally. This didn't. Thinking about it today and just thought I'm ok to do continue casually as I don't think he will ever get over her. Weirdly I once challenged him about it and he said it was more the friendship he missed and that they weren't right for each other. That she didn't treat him well. It's just the odd thing he says here and there which niggle a bit but it's my issue really. I need to find someone without a ghost!