Mum and Dad have just split.

[NamelessGem]

Yesterday my Dad told my mum he didn’t love her anymore and wanted to split up. They are in their 40s.
They have been together for 30 years, no one has seen this coming. Least of all me.

Dad has recently lost his own dad, and his brother has been diagnosed with an aggressive cancer. That and a few other traumatic things have led us to believe he might be badly depressed, or worse - thinking about ending his own life.

I don’t know what to do. I don’t know how to support my mum, who has nothing - a low paid job, no savings, nothing. Dad has always supported her and although he says he will make sure she is ok - how can he?

I just can’t believe this is happening. My mum is coming to stay here for a few days to give him some Space - what can I do or say to help support her ? I feel totally out my depth and want to be the rock she needs.

Thankyou in advance x

Just listen to her, she will be upset and confused, is she taking a few days off work to spend some quiet time with you. He may well be depressed but its important to them that they have some space and time apart. If you seriously think he is suicidal encourage him to get some professional help or at least speak to someone about his feelings. Practically she will need to think about her finances, can she increase her hours, they will need to sort the house and savings out, is it owned or rented. If they are going to get divorced she will need to find a solicitor but that can wait. It sounds difficult for all of you.

Honestly I don't have much advice on how to help your mom, but he can make sure she's ok financially.

She'll be ok emotionally given time. Was this a complete surprise to her?

Are you sure he's depressed? It could be that with his dad and brother, he's realised life's too short to stay with someone he is no longer in love with.

Hi again sorry Iv been with her, took her out for a meal and she was quite upset.

The house is rented, it’s very expensive she won’t afford by herself. They have a few assets that wil need sorting out.

With regards to if he is depressed ir not - I really don’t know. He doesn’t think he is but he certainly has every symptom.

It was a shock to everyone, (my partner, brother and sister in law now know) it seems sompletely out of the blue - we haven’t had the slightest inkling he would do this