Has he checked out?

[Last216]

I would like some insight on what is happening with my dp.

I think he has checked out of the relationship. We have been together a few years but no children yet.

Over the past 8 months he seems to have completely checked out. He spends all his time at work, going in hours early, coming back hours late and when not at work sits on the phone talking to colleagues. He doesn't want to spend time together on the weekend but just sit on the phone. He no longer wants to do things together like before. If I try and talk about getting married he doesn't show much interest, same as buying a house.

If I try and talk about it he says I am being controlling. Every attempt at discussing how neglected I feel is just shut down.

However if I go out or see friends when he is at work and I have the day off he will call me loads and not be happy that I have gone out.
He is adamant that he is not cheating and that he wants us to be together.
I am beginning to wonder if he doesnt want to look like the bad guy and is maybe being like this to get me to dump him.

I was sick a few months ago and not once did he ask how he could help me and I just felt completely neglected.

I am hoping this is a phrase because he is loving work and will soon want to pay attention to me again but it's been going on so long now I don't think that is going to happen.
I do have children from a previous relationship who really care about him so I don't want to end this unless it really is dead.

Does anyone have any suggestions how to try and make this better? My self esteem is really awful and this is just making it so much worse. Even now on sunday he is out with his colleagues drinking.

I think you deserve much better tbh. He sounds like the controlling one if he's not happy when you spend time with friends.

If he is uninterested in spending time with you then if I were you I would end it.

Sorry, but this is a one way relationship. I would ensure all financial matters are up to date & look for alternative accommodation in advance of leaving.

I'm afraid it does sound like it's over. I'm not surprised you feel awful. I hope you find the strength to leave.

Thank goodness he showed this before you had children with him. Make plans to end the relationship and leave with a clear conscience.

The house is in my name and I earn a lot more so financially I am ok.

I just hate that my children have already been through the separation with their father and now I have moved this man in and they've got close with him and his family and now they will have to go through another separation. I feel so awful that I have done this to them.

I'm going through the same thing but I have children with him. I feel awful for my older children they've never had a relationship with their dad and dp has been the only father figure they've had. Now we're on the verge of splitting up I just feel sad for them

Is there another woman? On his phone all the time, working a lot, going out with colleagues, not interested in you, disengaged - sounds like either he was just wanting his feet under the table so he could have the perks of a relationship and no longer can be arsed to pretend, or there's another woman.

Either way, it's not really the example of a relationship you want to model to your dc. Breaking up when it's not right I'd actually a good thing to teach dc about relationships, not sticking it out at all costs.

Is not I'd

Now you've said it's your house and he's out with his mates I'd say he is only still there for his convenience. Time to end it. You deserve much more and your children deserve not to grow up seeing their mother being treated like this.