I want to separate but..

[Katnesss]

Hi all.

So I’ve been with my husband for 8 years married for 7, we have a daughter together and I have one from a previous relationship, they’re (10&7).

Husband is the breadwinner and I am currently a SAHM on carers allowance as our daughter has quite profound and severe disabilities. As you can tell, I am unhappy in my marriage and I want to separate. I haven’t spoken to him yet about this as I need to clarify things beforehand.

I’ve been unhappy for some time and felt like I’ve lost my identity. For example He complains if I go for a shower, if I dare decide to go out with friends he would bombard me with calls and texts and once home I would ‘owe him’ as he had to watch the kids. I finally confided in my mother and she thinks he sounds somewhat controlling, she was in a similar position when with my Dad and explained she wish she left and put her happiness first.

Obviously it’s different as our daughters disabilities makes it hard work everyday and he is an amazing dad and they have a fantastic bond which makes me feel awful. I’m just at a loss what to do financially we rent from a housing group together, I have no job and very little savings..being on my own is a scary prospect financially and I don’t know how I will manage not to mention the housing aspect as it’s a shared tenancy and he will definitely want me to leave, he will get nasty once he finds this all out. The problem I have is this house is adapted so I really need to stay here for our daughters sake. Sorry for the rant I know it’s a bit everywhere I’m just scared I guess of finally putting my happiness first and how to go forward x

Hey lovely. He is being abusive and if your father was like that, it is probably why you're in a relationship with him. Speak to a solicitor and the housing association and see what benefits you would be entitled to as a carer etc. Good luck.

I agree. Research research research. Talk to authorities, see what your rights are, see how you could go about getting him to leave, how long that could take, if there's anything you can do to make it quicker. See what you will be entitled to, work out what you need to do to claim it. Cover everything so you know before you throw the emotional turmoil of discussing it with him into the mix. Then once you've had the conversation you can start making your way through the list of tasks rather than having to work it out after.

Unless you are in immediate danger you don't need to have this conversation today. Part of putting yourself and your happiness first is making sure when you take that leap you are as best prepared as you can be so it goes smoothly, or as smoothly as possible. Very best of luck to you.

Thank you so much both.
I intend to try and get everything sorted and in place before I speak to him about this. I’m just waiting for the kids to go back to school so I have the time and opportunity to speak thoroughly to a solicitor etc x