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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

low libido

3 replies

needhelpwiththis27 · 18/08/2019 10:59

I really don't know what to do about this. It's getting DH down more than me, obviously as he could happily DTD any night of the week. Me, there's a window of opportunity - about 5 days around ovulation -when I feel in the mood but the rest of the month I'm just honesty not interested.

We'll sometimes start but then it's obvious I'm just not in the mood, so it's not particularly good for me and really disappointing for him. Last proper session was 6 weeks ago on our anniversary (as DH has just reminded me) and really, really good, but since then it's been half-hearted or non-existent. If it was up to me I'm happy with quality over quantity - but this is obviously not the case for DH and he feels neglected and, understandably, rejected.

I'm upset too. I know sex is really important for intimacy and when it's good, it's good - but I just can't make myself do it when I'm not feeling it, and I'm not feeling it a lot of the time.

If anyone's got words of wisdom I'll be glad to hear them...Sad

OP posts:
BlackSwan · 18/08/2019 11:22

I know how you feel - last night i actually told my husband i really don't want to sleep with him anymore - I don't know what he wants to do about that but i'm tired of avoiding him and fending him off... I think my lack of interest stems from other problems in our relationship. We have been through counselling - he is emotionally abusive, rude, etc. I tried splitting from him and he was very manipulative with our then 8 son (running to him and telling him we were splitting up and asking him if he wanted to live with him). We have been together since our early 20's. More than 20 years. He is the only man i have ever slept with. I feel trapped.

BlackSwan · 18/08/2019 11:23

So actually... different situation...

yellowDahlia · 18/08/2019 11:40

Sorry about your situation BlackSwan... it does sound a bit more complex.

Although I must admit I do sometimes swing between feeling sad about it and really annoyed that someone else's happiness/satisfaction depends on this thing which I often can't do for them. I suppose marriage is about making the effort or making compromises I guess...

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