Husband using cam websites

[Birch93]

I'm so confused...

On Monday I found out (by opening my husbands bank statement, after he told me he had no money left), that my husband has been using 'cam girl' services online for the past 8 months.

He's been waiting until I go to work nights and has been webcamming with these girls, performing sex acts on himself whilst telling them what to do to themselves. He's been paying them for this, not just once or twice but £400+ a month worth! He's spent over £4000 of our money on this!

I am absolutely devastated. We have a one year old together and I don't know what to do.

I feel like this is cheating and not only that but it's a really malicious way of doing it 😔. It's left me feeling so insecure and betrayed. I had no idea that anything was going on and feel like I've been taken for a fool.

So sorry to hear this Birch ... I am five years on from leaving my husband ... promise in a great place now and my two sons are happy .. took time but 100% right choice. Hope you have friends and family support in you.

Hope you have some real life support birch

Luckily I have an amazing family who are very supportive, this is where I have moved into with my son, for the time being. He's currently cuddled up to his mummy, not wanting to be alone. I will get through this but fuck it's hard! Glad to hear of people who have come out of the other side.

I think it’s the right decision because I don’t think this kind of shiizzle goes away, they just hide it better

update
We're doing well! My son and I have moved into our own home and are completely settled. I am continuing with university which will be a massive help in the future. We had a stressful time when we found out that due to student finance I couldn't get universal credit, however our amazing and supportive family is helping us out with money. As for my ex husband... he has stepped up and is being the father he should be to our son, we are sharing custody and managing to stay civil. Obviously there's been a lot of animosity to begin with, but it's much better now.

Things are looking positive!

The divorce has also started, just waiting on the second stage... obviously I made him pay for it 😂

Hi birch93, I’m going through exactly the same thing this week, but have 4 littleuns. My world has fallen out the bottom....I’m devastated, and found my husband sending gifts and money to these cam girls, also from NI.

Really sorry to hear that hun! More came out since (from my situation) and it turned out he was actually sleeping with these women as well, and paying for this. My divorce was finalised on New Year’s Day and god it’s the best feeling to be free from that.
Completely understand how you’re feeling, it’s gutting and leaves you in a terrible situation but it will get better! Whatever you decide to do, I hope you can find some peace from it. X

Great work OP and congratulations. it's anything like my ex, the more you learned, the more you get it confirmed that you made the right decision (not that you really neeed any further confirmation, but it makes it even more cut and dried. xx

It’s almost comforting to know, that I’m not the only one, if that sounds strange? I honestly thought we had an amazing relationship, probably serves me right for being so proud that we literally where the envy of a lot of our friends group, as we where, well seemed like the poster couple for happy families!, some men can be such scum...... and selfish..... I made him in front of me, phone his mother and tell her everything, I screenshot loads of the messages and sent it to his sister, I just wanted to humiliate him as much as I was, it’s that guilt and self doubt, that I wasn’t enough, r little family wasn’t enough, self pity, then anger took over!! I’ve so far counted up over 6 grand spent on “tips” and “gifts”.... I’ve only found out 4 days ago, and so far, don’t think he has went as far as sleeping with them, it seems to be the old glamour girls, on myfanspage that he sent the cash too.....so he’s booked himself into a porn addiction counsellor here in NI. Just feel so lost, and so sorry for my 4 littleuns. But I’m so glad to see u r out the other side. Well done hun, light at the end of the tunnel xx

Oh fuck OP, what a situation. No advice but sending hugs and strength....what an absolute arsehole.

Thank you, it’s nice to know I’m not alone in thinking he is an arsehole....it’s just just lovely being able to vent, it’s killing me at home trying to appear as “normal” as I can cope with being, for the kids sake anyways, the oldest is 13, and youngest 3. He is banished to the spare room, but it’s how sneaky he has been over at least the last 4 years, secret email address, deleting the internet history etc. I work long hard hours as a nurse to give my kids a better life, and he has been spending like he is a millionaire. Taking one day and a time and trying not to loose my mind. But bubbas come first for me, and this week he is my childminder and that’s all. If he was an awful father it would be easier to force him to leave, but he isn’t, which again, just makes my decision so much harder. Thanks for listening x

I completely understand the feeling of wanting to humiliate him, I felt the same. It gets better though! It’s awful when you first find out but you’ll wake up one day and realise that you’re so much better than his actions. My little one was one when this first happened, so I get the feeling of helplessness and wanting to just be a good mum. I hope if you stay then you can get through it, and if you leave then you find some closure. Talk to your friends about it, helped me a lot! Venting is so therapeutic and even better with a glass of wine!

My Dp has a porn addiction ( obviously he has admitted to the bare minimum) but I've been lied to and gaslighted for almost a year and a half. He's putting the blame onto me saying I'm over reacting, but I don't care about the porn, I can't live with a liar.
He has msged these girls on Snapchat but after admitting it has gone back to minimising and denial.
We are going around in circles, I want to leave but he's making it so hard, we have a 9 yo dc.

It’s so hard but you’ll feel like a whole new woman when you leave. My ex gaslighted me for years and it’s awful, makes you feel like some crazy woman who’s imagining it all and over exaggerating. You’re not! I’d be afraid of what else he was hiding if he’s lied already to you. It’s so hard but you’ll get through this. Has been 6 months for me and honestly feels like a distant nightmare.

Thank you, I need to hear this. I'm so tied up I feel literally frozen by it all.
I'm really pleased for you