Partner doesn't know if he wants to be with me anymore..

[asblackasyoursoul]

I'm 20. We have been together for 1.5 years, first proper relationship. I basically asked him today why he was moody and whether it was me, and he suddenly came out with all this other stuff that is really stressing him out (won't go into detail). I thought it was fine, we confirmed it wasn't me that was the issue.
We got back to his and he suddenly said he needed to tell me about something that has been on his mind, and basically that he's questioning if he should be with me.

It's all to do with that we're young, (he's 22), he doesn't know if this is what he's going to want in the future and that he basically has huge commitment issues and isn't sure if he wants to progress the relationship to moving in etc because he really doesn't like change (he doesn't like it in general with anything, I know that about him).

I was really pretty shocked and didn't know what to say. I said I didn't know what I was going to want in a few years either but no one was pressuring him now etc. We haven't had any arguments or anything and he says I'm a great person, wants me in his life etc. He said he knows this isn't fair on me, so I said I'd leave him to think about it.
However he kept saying that he's so anxious right now and he's definitely overthinking everything and making problems where there aren't any.

I went home and haven't heard from him since. I'm so lost and quite heartbroken. The problem is I don't even know how to feel, I don't even know if we are together or not so I can't even process my own emotions. I'm posting here because I don't have many people to talk to, don't really want to speak to my parents right now incase it all ends up being ok.

I've never been in this situation before and have no idea what to do

It’s an awful feeling. I remember it well. Solidarity, OP.

You need to let him go. Like many relationships that started in the teen years, it’s come to a natural end. He’s recognised this and is trying to let you know, gently.

You will get over it. Definitely. It’ll take time though.

You are only young make it easy for him and tell him to bolt!! Get yourself done up and go out with the girls and let your hair down chin up and big hugs to you x

I'm sorry to hear this has happened. I went through the very same experience when I was 20, only I was in your boyfriend's position.
I know it hurts a lot, and it will continue to.
Be strong, and focus on you. Sadly, relationships that start around this age do not always last, just the way life goes.
I agree with the other posters. Leave him, don't contact him seeking further closure. If he realises he has made a silly mistake (which he may) he will come back. Might not be right away, might be in months.
But take good care of yourself and focus on you. We have all been there and it hurts like hell. You will heal and come out of this a stronger person. Often it's nothing at all about you/that you have done, some people just freak out over the idea of commitment/settling down, even if you have not pushed them.
Take care, let us know how you get on, we are here for you ☀️

Concentrate on yourself and hang with friends and do things you enjoy. Keep busy. What will be will be. We all change as we get older. Sometimes we don’t want to be around those we used to be around, pals, or bf’s. That’s just the way it is. It’d nobody’s fault. You may need to move on.

His feelings are not your problem.

It feels like the world has ended, probably.
But it hasn’t and you will get through it. It’ll be hurting for a while and trusting people will be hard for some time.
Live your life day at a time. And eventually it’ll get better.
And you’ll meet and date more people. There will be more ups, and downs too.
All - part of life

Been in your position (I was the one doubting things due to our age, we were early 20's like you both) I really loved him but didn't feel ready for the commitment . . . we broke up after lots of "I'm not sure, I love you but . . . " type conversations and we were both devastated (as much as I wasn't sure, I really wanted it to work) and spent the next year apart, dating others, travelling and getting things out of our systems. We got back together and that was 20 years ago. Married with 2 kids now and I wouldn't change what happened for anything as hideous as it was at the time. I don't want to give you false hope, but I will say that everything happens for a reason, if it's meant to be, it will be. Give him space to think things through but don't let him mess you around, life is too short. This will be ok

Questioning if you’re the problem when a guy is moody can push them to panic and feel suffocated. Not your fault! That’s just the way some of them are wired! I don’t know why but it’s true. That may have brought on the later ‘I’m not sure what I want conversation’.

Best advice, as hard as it is, just crack on and do your own thing. Don’t make yourself available to him. Go on a girls night or invite friends over to watch movies. Don’t respond to texts or calls in a timely option. Let him see you getting on with life!

I'm so sorry, Asblackasyoursoul. There's nothing much you can do about it, you have to accept he's not ready to settle down with you. It is terribly hard though, so hurtful. The hurt doesn't go overnight but it will pass, I promise.

It’s easy for us to say you’re young, dump and move on but I know that’s easier said than done. Everyone gets their heartbroken sounds like this is your turn unfortunately. Lean on friends and family and don’t let him muck you around for ages, if he needs time to think set a deadline and stick to it, don’t let him drag it out.

It's so horrible experiencing all this for the first time. If I were you, I would call or message him and say that you accept that he has doubts and you want to be with someone who is sure about being with you. If he doesn't say anything to try to keep you at that point you have your answer.

With my first love, he ended it for the same reason and I was heartbroken but accepted it without argument. He came back after 4-5 months and we had another go at it, but I had moved on too far and we let it go.

It's going to feel really, really shit and the only thing that's going to help is time, but I promise that one day you will look back and you won't even really remember why you loved him or how much it hurt