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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Childhood affecting marriage

4 replies

Flowersandthorns · 17/08/2019 15:17

I grew up in a very volatile home with parents who didn't love each other and spent most interactions point scoring. Their relationship was toxic and they were isolated from anyone else. Neither had friends and spent all of their time together. They are now divorced and I am NC with my 'D'M due to the shocking way in which she has treated me. I have a successful career and lovely children, home and DH. I feel extremely lucky. I do however worry that this poor role model and my issues with my 'D'M are having a negative impact on my marriage. We have had a few ups and downs, to be expected, but I worry that I am too controlling. I'm not sure what normal looks like and therefore don't trust my own judgement. When my husband tells me he is going out see it as a rejection - which I know is ridiculous! He can sense this and I am worried that I am going to drive him away. Has anyone experienced anything similar or can give me some advice? I don't feel able to talk to anyone in real life so this just goes round and round in my head.

OP posts:
Flowersandthorns · 17/08/2019 21:45

Bump

OP posts:
GilbertMarkham · 17/08/2019 22:20

Are you saying you see it as a rejection if your husband goes out without you sometimes?

Well that is potentially controlling. It must be a bit frustrating/stifling to be on the receiving end of.

Presuming he is ok with you going out without him sometimes (?)

Have you considered some counselling?

LizzieSiddal · 17/08/2019 23:03

I too would say go and get some counselling. I’ve stated recently as I am in the same situation as you. Childhood hugely effecting me and my marriage, thoughts continually going round and round my head.
I’ve only been 4 times so far, but she’s helped me so much, I wish I’d done it years ago.

Find an experienced counsellor who specialises in childhood issues and good luck- wanting to sort this means you’re half way there to fixing it.

Flowersandthorns · 18/08/2019 09:02

Thank you for your replies. He doesn't mind me going out - although this is a lot less than he does. We have had a heart to heart and knowing how he feels is helping me to tackle the issue. I have signed up for NHS counseling but not sure how long this will take. Can anyone tell me what this will entail?

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