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Original poster

Money and marriage, who is right?

48 replies

Notallitseemstobe · 17/08/2019 14:13

We are married but never had joint accounts. We both work although his salary is almost twice mine.

He pays mortgage and some bills and things like holidays.

I pay food, kids things, other bills.

I received a small inheritance that went on a new car and the mortgage.

He recieved a large inheritance which has been spent on the mortgage and sits in his account.

A year ago I had to take out a loan to buy a new car. He sees no reason to pay this off, but it costs me money each month. He has far more in savings currently.

He talks and acts as if the money isn't really my concern. And it feels controlling.

I want him to give me money to pay off my loan.

Am I in the wrong?

OP posts:
Original poster
Notallitseemstobe · 17/08/2019 15:58

We have a family estate i paid for. And my car, I am paying for

OP posts:
mindutopia · 17/08/2019 15:59

It depends on how you organise your money. My dh and I have a joint account for household expenses and our own personal accounts for everything else. Are your cars joint or personal expenses?

For us, cars are personal expenses. We each pay for our own out of what is left over after bills (we pay proportionate into joint account though we earn similar ish salaries anyway, dh slightly more as he is self employed and I only work 4 days at the moment). I think we would consider inheritance to be joint money and so far we’ve treated it that way. But I’d be pretty annoyed if my dh expected me to pay off his car with my inheritance (put towards mortgage or holiday or something together, yes). If I couldn’t afford my car on finance though, I wouldn’t have a car I had to pay finance on though. Whether you decide to share your inheritance or not I suppose is up to how you apportion money in your household though.

Flerkin · 17/08/2019 16:01

Then your drive the estate and he buys his own car.

If it's his money, make him use it.

SignedUpJust4This · 17/08/2019 16:05

How are old are kids? Do they belong to both of you? Did you go PT or stop work for a while? In other words have you raised his children to facilitate his career?

I really don't see the point in separate accounts where kids are involved. Would he sit you all in economy while he Lords it up in first class? Does he want you & kids to have a different standard of living and less security than him? Everything you save together will eventually belong to your kids won't it so why aren't you on the same page as regards to joint spending? Unless this is a second marriage with previous children this just seems pointless when married.

SignedUpJust4This · 17/08/2019 16:07

I suspect he knows the marriage is not in good shape and clinging onto this inheritance is him getting his '🦆🦆 🦆

SignedUpJust4This · 17/08/2019 16:09

7salmonswimming said it best.

Iloveacurry · 17/08/2019 16:10

Sell your car, and drive the family estate car as you paid for it from your inheritance.

Tell him to buy his own car.

Nanna50 · 17/08/2019 16:22

Our money has always been joint, over the years it’s swings and roundabouts who has earned the most, any windfalls are joint.

However my two best friends both have separate finances, I don’t know how they manage this but it suits them. I know one of them pays interest on her credit card while her DH has enough savings to pay it off but they prefer separate money. He did clear their mortgage with a redundancy payment though. They lend each other or transfer money when one of them is short, so I suppose they still share the money.

All three of these are long term marriages around 30 years. Many of the younger people I work with have totally separate finances. I never understand how one person in a marriage can have so much more money than another and not share it.

IceCreamAndCandyfloss · 17/08/2019 16:38

I think inheritance is different than other money in a marriage. If the person leaving it wanted it to be shared they would have left the money to others as well.

If I leave anything to my children it’s for them, not anyone else.

Sell the car with the loan and use the one that’s paid for.

Nat6999 · 17/08/2019 16:46

My ex husband never properly contributed, he would give me a small amount towards food whilst I paid the mortgage, all the bills & the credit card bill because we would be out in his car that conveniently needed filling up with fuel or he would want to buy something but again conveniently hadn't got his debit card on him. My late partner was totally different, he gave me his debit card & as long as he was fed & well watered didn't care about money, he always said if I needed to get anything, that was what the money was for, he just had a small amount of walking around money & was happy with that.

showmethegin · 17/08/2019 17:04

Your DH got 400k and didn't discuss what to do with it with you or offer to pay for your car?! 400k?!

Original poster
Notallitseemstobe · 17/08/2019 17:59

We discussed paying most of the mortgage off.

He talks about buying himself a new car

OP posts:
Itsonlytuesdayqwer · 17/08/2019 18:52

400k and he wouldn’t pay your car loan off???

lunar1 · 17/08/2019 19:03

Is your name on the mortgage?

swissmilk · 17/08/2019 19:09

If he keeps his inheritance separate then he doesn't have to share it when you get divorced.
You don't get to keep your much smaller inheritance as you've already put it into the family pot.
Divorce finances are crazy!

Lazypuppy · 17/08/2019 19:10

YABU. Its his inheritance.

You chose to spend yours on joint things, doesn't mean he has to

RandomMess · 17/08/2019 19:15

He hasn't kept his inheritance separate if he's paid off some of the mortgage on the marital home with it so it would usually form part of the marital pot if they divorce.

timshelthechoice · 17/08/2019 19:17

What's his is his and what's yours is his, too. What a twat. Sorry, I'd never have agreed to this set up much less put up with it as long as you have. He's a selfish person.

He has also nicely stitched you up in the event of a divorce, what you've put in won't count for diddly and he'll walk off with the majority of the equity.

You're been thoroughly had here.

Witchinaditch · 17/08/2019 20:35

Another marriage that does just pool all the money. I find it so odd! Yes he should pay off your loan, but your married should it should be you both should pay off your joint debt. You are a team not two single housemates.

Witchinaditch · 17/08/2019 20:36

Doesn’t* sorry autocorrect!!

Gojojogogogo · 17/08/2019 20:38

Sell the estate car you bought and pay of your other one?

user1479305498 · 17/08/2019 21:27

Isn’t it the case that inheritance goes into the pot too if you divorce , I thought it was and counted as a marital asset, in which case be a damn site cheaper paying off your car loan than a divorce- unless you have a Ferrari etc

Hopoindown31 · 17/08/2019 22:07

You both agreed to separate finances, yes? This is what separate finances looks like. That's why joint finances are better.

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