Need to leave husband, don't know where to start

[Bobbelle]

Hi, I need to leave my husband but it's going to leave me in an unmanageable situation I think.

The main thing is I am due to return from maternity leave in 2 weeks to a shift work job in the NHS. I have no friends or family close by and no childcare that can accommodate for any shift. Essentially this is going to leave me unable to return to work. Does anyone know if I can be issued another post with more suitable hours? Or even better, transferred to another area closer to my family?

The other issue is the house, we bought it to renovate and its not complete and with a baby and not money I won't be able to completed the renovations. The house is in my name so I don't need his input to sell but he has made it clear he won't leave the house easily.

I have made up my mind I need to go but the job situation is holding me back. I don't want him to have DS before and after childcare or when I am working either

Have you made any enquiries with your employer? They’d be best placed to answer your questions on changing shifts/relocation.

What happens to your mat pay if you don't return? Can you apply for a career break?

I haven't spoken to my employer yet, partly because I have just managed to come to a strong decision today about leaving (mostly because of his behaviour towards our DS) and partly because I am embarrassed to admit this is happening.

I will have to repay my mat pay if I leave. Also, I have the mortgage and bills to pay (all in my name) and wouldn't be able to afford to pay them until I could sell the house

If you work for the NHS I think they will be accommodating. I had to go back with somewhat special measures after mat leave and my ward manager was amazing. If they aren't go higher. I was put on set days which a nursery generally need

What's going on with DH? Do you want to digress?

Thank you, I hope so. I will speak to my boss next week and hopefully they can arrange something.

I have had issues with my husband since DS was born 8 months ago. Starting with me getting home from hospital following an emergency section and him leaving to get drunk and leaving me to struggle to get DS all night while still woozy and in pain and not getting up in the morning to help or tend to the pets until mid morning.

I thought it would get better but never in 8 months has he got up with DS through the night or in the morning. Some nights DS would be awake every 30 minutes and I would cry from exhaustion. Once through the day I asked him to come in from the garden and watch DS while I napped as I was so tired I was falling asleep and he said I had 1 hour and came up with DS 55 minutes later to wake me up!

He does minimal housework and thinks this is OK because he grows veg for us and 'i am in mat leave to take care of house and baby'. I told him he would need to at least take care of the pets but I am still the one getting up in the morning with them - luckily in a way our dog is old and not interested in walks because that doesn't get done.

He flys off the handle at the slightest provocation and will shout and swear at me in front of DS. This morning he was lying in bed and our cat had had an accident downstairs - I told him about it and he just swore and stayed in his bed. When I told him I was annoyed at him for leaving me to take care of DS, pets and clean the mess while he lay in bed he shouted, swore and stormed up to bed.
He came downstairs for lunch and went into the room where DS was to get his laptop, DS seen him and cried when he left the room, husband ignored him and went back to bed where he has been all day.

He has ignored DS once in the past when we have fallen out and this today has been the final straw. He shouts and swears and me and calls me names but my heart broke to see and hear DS cry for him like that

My goodness I’m so sorry you are going though this.

I’m not very good with advice on things like this but I just wanted to say you are absolutely doing the right thing

Op - you need to see a lawyer and plan your exit.
Generally speaking, even if the house is in your name - it is considered a family asset. So - in a case of divorce your H gets 50% of the value.
Even if you were to sell the house now, before divorce - half of the proceeds are legally his.
And - as a father he has his rights and can ask for 50/50 custody, especially if both parents are working.

I don’t know the specifics of your situation - and there might be other factors affecting it all. All I am saying is - get a good understanding of what’s what before you make a move.