The dreaded WhatsApp

[Doingmyownheadin]

Hello.....I’ll try keep this short. I’m sure it’s a common issue. My long distance boyfriend of whom I have been with for a couple of years is ALWAYS on WhatsApp. Some days he messages me a lot but it’s obvious that he has other chats on the go. I don’t think I’ve ever known someone so obsessed with chatting on WhatsApp.

I’m afraid to say it plays on my mind and I find myself messaging him way too much because of it, like I’m trying to get his attention. I know he has family and friends etc but it always seems to be that when you hear about this issue it’s always because they are chatting to other women.
I did bring it up once that he said at that time people from work keep in touch about work stuff over WhatsApp and he assured me that he doesn’t actually talk to that many people. But I mean cmon!! It’s all day every day!!!! Maybe I need a slap.....I can’t be arsed thinking about this and also destroying stuff by messaging and being a maniac!! Help!! Even he tells me I’m turning into a message pest and I need to chill out!!

You do need to chill out

I chat to most my friends and family on WhatsApp. I also have group chats on there

If someone accused me of cheating simply because I used WhatsApp I’d think they were on something

Why does it matter to you that he’s always on there? Why does him using WhatsApp a lot automatically make you think he might be up to no good?

I mean yes there’s every chance he could be messaging other women on there (any man could) but if him using WhatsApp is the only thing causing you to worry, I think you’re being a bit paranoid..

You’re in a long distance relationship. Any relationship requires trust especially a long distance one! You will drive yourself mad if you continue worrying over this

You need to take a step back and try and calm yourself down. I understand where you're coming from as I was in a long distance relationship before, I never encountered this problem though but that's just my experience.

On the other hand, I am a very active WhatsApp user and this being because I live abroad so my main way of keeping in touch is through text, most of my work stuff gets done on the groups and there is constant back and forth texting within the groups most of the day as we are not all working in the same location but do work on the same projects.

I would say you have nothing to worry about but truth is I don't know. The only advice I can give you is stop thinking about it! There is literally nothing you can do about it and it might not be helpful advice but a person that wants to cheat will do it no matter what or how bad you try and control them (not saying he's a cheater though)

Just try and relax, focus your time and energy somewhere else and stop looking at WhatsApp

I should really chill out. Guess it’s because some days he’s all chatty chatty and the next not so much but then he’s always been like that. I can’t expect to constantly hear from someone. Guess it’s just that sometimes I don’t get a reply when he’s read the message, might be a few hours but he’s online in between so I wonder why I can’t get a reply haha. Probably just different in that respect and I should really shut up more and let him come to me. I’ll do my best!!

My advice would be to turn the ‘last read’ setting off. You’ll still see if he’s online (you can’t turn that off) but only if you check. It’s taken away a lot of my angst on Whatsapp and has allowed me to relax and actually use it (I had a self imposed ban on WhatsApp due to the anxiety it was giving me).

I don't see how work can be explained for him constantly being on there. Is he not in work during the day?

How often do you see your partner?

Honestly, it's none of your business whether or not he is on WhatsApp. He is allowed to have conversations with other people, whether work or not. You are responsible for managing your own insecurities.

My advice would be to turn the ‘last read’ setting off. You’ll still see if he’s online (you can’t turn that off) but only if you check. It’s taken away a lot of my angst on Whatsapp and has allowed me to relax and actually use it (I had a self imposed ban on WhatsApp due to the anxiety it was giving me)

^this a million times

Life really shouldn’t be like this. Why don’t you take the initiative and delete the app? Take control of yourself

I don't see how work can be explained for him constantly being on there. Is he not in work during the day?

It annoys me but for my work it is the preferred means of conversation (we work different hours and have different projects).

I turned off the "last seen" & the "read" thing ie when the tick goes blue, so it's more like texting. Not just for partner but in general, it just feels less pressured & 'monitoring'.

Keep in mind if you decrease the distance and get together he’s always going to be on WhatsApp. It’s not going to stop even if you live together.

Even if he was using it to chat to other women, being on whatsapp constantly is excessive. What work does he do?

I'm sometimes on WhatsApp a lot (eg. If I whatsapp phone a friend or family abroad or just soend an evening catching up with some friends or if we're organising something) but it isn't every day.

We have a work group WhatsApp chat with about 25 people in it and some people who really have no filter about what they post in there, but there's important and urgent stuff too so i have to keep notifications on and read it, I'm sure my 'last seen' shows me as constantly active

Does he use WhatsApp on his laptop at work? I have WhatsApp on my laptop screen but then my work on two large monitors and I’ve had it before where a guy I was dating asked why I was always showing as online on WhatsApp and it’s because of that. I’m definitely not spending all day messaging other men!
I did also have a boyfriend who was a doctor in a busy hospital and they used it for work purposes which was extremely annoying as this work chat would be on the go all day and night!

Possibly it's you who is obsessed with WhatsApp. Obsessing is unhealthy for you. If you have reason to mistrust your boyfriend then that's one thing, but he can be on WhatsApp as much as he likes, when he likes, as long as he doesn't betray your trust. Frankly, it's not your business.