Partner completely uninterested and unsupportive during pregnancy

[Sleepyhead19]

Hi all, probably going to be a long one. After about 7 1/2 years, I discovered dirty photos were being sent between my partner and a 19 year old he worked with. He begged for a second chance. I told him he needed to make me believe he was sorry. After all, I don’t know if it was an affair! He said it was only photos but a friend told me she suspected more after seeing them together. He did nothing. We had a break but he never moved out. I know he had a series of women. I had a brief relationship which I called off as I didn’t feel right about it and I think perhaps I just needed somebody. We got on better again eventually and I discovered I was pregnant. He didn’t want it. He told me get rid of it. I couldn’t think straight. I wish I’d never told him then I could’ve thought things through. He made me feel awful. I’m now 17 weeks. He hasn’t come to any appointments but promised to be more supportive and attend them from now on. Today I had the midwife and he promised to be there. He ‘forgot’. When he got home he had a go at me for not reminding him! I’m completely alone in this and wishing I could turn the clock back. I’ve nobody to talk to, no support and don’t know what to do. I want him to leave but he refuses. I can’t go on like this being made to feel so worthless. He says he wants the baby now but he’s not showing it. Has anyone else had such an uninterested partner? I don’t know what to do.

I think you should make him move out or you move out and move on. Have you told your midwife how you feel? She can help you access support. Have you thought about joining an antenatal group? That’s a great support system. You can do this. We’re all here for you

Sorry but I think your relationship is over, it’s been over for a very long time and you’re flogging a dead horse. I know it’s sad now a baby is involved but the best thing you could do is walk away.

Hi @flamingpink thanks for your reply. It's my house so he would have to leave. No, I don't want my midwife or anyone like that involved or thinking I won't manage with the baby. My ex husband left me with two small children and I know I can get by. I've signed up for an NCT course from November but I think I will be the only one there on my own. I'm a bit worried about going.

@whattodowith I know you are probably right but I have huge guilt that I couldn't hold it together for the kids. My older two (by my ex-husband) have already been through a divorce, then their Dad being diagnosed with severe Bi-polar and Schizophrenia which meant he was no longer allowed to see them unaccompanied. (I didn't want to stop them seeing him so he visits, when he can be bothered, each weekend for two hours with another adult here). We actually split up because he became so hard to live with and every time he had a mental health assessment, he managed to fool them that he was absolutely fine when he clearly wasn't. Something then happened a year after we separated and he was sectioned. The kids see my current 'partner' as their role model now and We have a 6 year old together who would probably be devastated if his Dad left. I don't know what to do for the best.
I'm trying to consider myself and my own mental health but then I feel like I'm being selfish.

So sorry OP. You must be feeling very low.

It’s tine to take the leap and ask him to leave. He’s made it clear that he is uninterested in you or the baby.

Your older three have probably picked up on the tension tbh. It’s not the sort of relationship you’d want to model for them. They’ll be fine.

Your midwife won’t think that you can’t “manage”. Unless there is something you’ve omitted, of course. She’ll think that you’re newly single and need a bit of support and signposting, that’s all.

“The kids see my current 'partner' as their role model now”

Is he the sort of role model you’d like them to have?