At What Age Do You Leave DCs overnight (if at all?)

[scotgal2017]

I have 2 DCs, DD just turned 16 and DS will be 13 next month. I have been separated for just over 2 years but have been seeing a guy for around 3 months (without DCs knowledge) and it looks like it it heading in the right direction for a relationship. I have posted before but for quick background STBXH was abusive/controlling, he left 2 years ago and OW surfaced not long after.

Due to nature of STBXH work, he has them for a block period (2-3 weeks generally) and this is mainly when I have been seeing my potential partner. Potential partner has his own DC, his DD is 17, DS 11 and other DS 8. When we first started dating, first met for drinks for first date, then met for coffee dates. When my kids went away 3 weeks ago, his DCs were at their mum's and I stayed over at his for the night. Last weekend (as my DCs are still away), he came here for the night. My Dcs are due back today and it got me thinking, I don't want to introduce or have DCs meet potential partner yet as it' only been 3 months, but does it have to be that I can't stay the night at his when they are with me? But then I would have to tell them I have a boyfriend and it would get messy???

He lives about an hour and a half away from me. My DD is quite sensible but what do others do if in this situation? Do you leave your older DCs overnight or never? Or older than 16? Or do you just accept that you see each other sporadically? I'm new to this as was in relationship/married for 20 years since I was 17 with STBXH so have never really dated and dating is different now than it was 22+ years ago and no kids! TIA

Thanks for all the input guys, as I said it was just something I was wondering having been out of the loop for so long.

Those saying introduce them, I don;t want to do that at this stage because DS13 has several things going on (if I say cahms that should be enough?) and I don;t want to add to his anxiety. I told him a while back I was going on a date (to test the waters of how the kids would react) and DS had me married off and said he didn't want a stepdad (I was only going to the cinema!).

Before kids left 3 weeks ago DS told me that he had met his dad's GF LAST AUGUST - I knew nothing about this, but that sums up the amount of respect STBXH has for me, not even the courtesy to write me a one liner to say the kids will meet my GF tomorrow etc. Anyway, at the point of DS telling me about meeting his dad's GF, he said he isn't part of "Dad's new family", so he is a anxious soul and does not cope well with certain things. Adding a new DP on my side early on I don;t think would be good for him, plus having been in an abusive relationship for 20 years I'm doing it slowly and making sure that its heading in the right direction and solid before involving my DCs.

@hellsbellsmelons, it seems to be going in the right direction but it is early days and I think I have my head screwed on enough. Even though we don't see each other regularly we message everyday. He is calm, thoughtful and caring - the complete opposite of my STBXH. Of course, 3 months in I don't know all of him and so that's why it wold be nice to meet him more in the flesh to spend quality time together but that's not feasible so, it is what it is. If it were to develop into a serious, stable relationship down the line I am not tied to stay where I am and can move closer to him etc.

As I say I was just thinking out loud and wondering what others do/think.

After your last post and the MH challenges that your young son is wrestling with definitely not. That’s v unfair on him and also your 16 year old DD. Your 100% focus and presence needs to be on him right now otherwise you are in for years and years of grief if he doesn’t recover.

Also you saying you have no ties and can move to BF longer term is quite selfish. Your vulnerable DCs who’s life has been turned upside down already don’t need to be uprooted from their schools and local area where their friends and family are. There are plenty of nice men nearer.

Note to self: Don't forget you will be utterly flamed by complete strangers who know nothing about your life on the Internet. Prepare yourself! 😂