Hang up with sex

[notmrscookie]

It's weird writing this but I haven't been in a relationship for5 years .Now on Pof and had some FWB requests..I want to take some of them up.But I was brought up to believe sex should be in a living relationship and only if needed if that makes sense.. None of the blokes I been with are that good in experience and I feel I need to explore my hang ups if that makes sense ..is there a special type of counsellor.. I am aware sex online is dangerous so will keep safe .. Pls share your experiences .. good or bad..

Sex is one of the most basic pleasures of life. To restrict ourselves to only having sex when in a relationship is like restricting ourselves to eating only when in a restaurant. It's possible and usually it's better than a quick snack but if you're hungry at 2am everyone wants to dip into the fridge now and again.

Get out there, explore yourself and what you enjoy and don't think about what your parents would think while you're doing it.

There may be pangs of guilt or shame afterwards but these will pass.

And you know what they say, practice makes perfect. So just enjoy yourself and work through any issues that arise by speaking about them (either with your counsellor, a friend or even just coming on here).

Good response Bungle.
I enjoy sex, have a vivid imagination and am a giving person. However I can't for the life of me see myself as a sexually attractive person. I was in a sexless marriage to a dreadful man. Am hoping my current situation is a phase; that it's normal to feel this way after such dreadful experiences.

Not had sex for two years and am scared to put myself out there, even if it means denying a fundamental part of myself.

Soery, OP, sounds like you can be choosy. You can state your case and if others can't meet you half way at least, you can move on to the next one.
Trust yourself

Try Bondara or love honey. Buy a few toys & explore yourself too...if you haven't already!

aufaitaccompli. I completely agree I can see anyone finding me attractive..I.have got sex toys .Brougt a nice outfit thst hides my wobbly bits looked up my old sex books..just need the magic to happen and some self belief

It doesn’t sound like counsellor stuff to me. More like accepting that sex outside of a relationship can be good. You have already questioned the “living relationship” thing and answered your own question.

Whether it is with someone you have known years or known a couple of hours, the key to quality sex is passion and respect. It’s also good to be body positive, accept that nobody is perfect and we all have wobbly bits! There is no need to cover, passion is about sharing and enjoying bodies.

Enjoy your toys, put away your books, have a glass of wine, look in the mirror, tell yourself you are great and go for someone to share that bed. Maybe hold back on the “overnighter” at first, so you have space to enjoy and reflect.

There's something very freeing about casual sex if it's done right, and for me it was a terrific learning experience after a marriage with unhealthy sex where I had to get drunk to have it.

Specifically saying you are looking for a fling predictably usually illicits a deluge of responses but it also has a certain honesty to it.

It can also be great for self image and self confidence, again as long as you're in the right frame of mind. I really did NOT crave a relationship, it was the last thing on my mind but if you do hanker after one you might find it harder to chop and change. I enjoyed getting ready, buying nice lingerie and the admiration. It nurtured me. Fortunately all the guys in question were decent.

Hard to explain but if you're in bed with someone to whom you have made it clear you don't want to see again then you can ask for anything without fear of jeopardising the 'relationship'. You can experiment. You can say, 'no I don't like that' or 'Can I try X" without worrying about them judging you.

A period of flings, done carefully, set me up to be ready to have another relationship with much healthier and satisfying sex.

Good luck on your journey of self discovery!

GraduationDilemma and StarlightLady. You both make so much sense.. Just need to find someone. I have a very sexy outfit awaiting.. A new world of nerves and pleasure awaits....x

Some love sex outside of relationships. Whenever I had anything like that though, it wasn't good: boring sex, people not really being into me is such a turn off! So I accept that I am a relationship-sex woman