Fighting to make it work

[Bluebird99]

What do you do when you have fallen for someone who you thought felt the same, but start to suspect is just using you?

I’m head over heels for the guy I’ve been seeing for the past four months. He was everything I wanted in the beginning but recently it’s all been very much on his terms.

We can only meet on his say so and he has cancelled on me a few times leaving me really disappointed.

I know I should just end things but I don’t know how I will cope without him in my life. I miss him even when we don’t speak for a few hours!

Yeah I was very independent... It will just be sad not having him in my life i guess

She’s wanting him back, he’s not interested but doesn’t want to hurt her by letting her see us. I’ve seen the messages.

You’re so right, I don’t want to come across as needy because that’s not who I am at all. He was chasing me in the beginning it’s somehow flipped!

So how long is he planning to 'not hurt' his ex for? Months, years?

Do this you don't go out much to avoid her seeing you together? If she's local, does that mean you avoid being seen as a couple? This does not bode well!

I trust what he says is true. However you are right that he’s controlling our relationship and he’s stopped with any effort

You managed to live without him in your life before and you will survive without him

Yeah we try to keep things as subtle as possible... the more I’m typing the more wrong it sounds!

Indeed it does sound wrong.
He was probably attracted to the strong, independent woman that you were and somehow he has made you needy and he doesn't like that side of you.
Keep writing down everything. It helps to get it out and get other peoples perspectives.
So for now just back off.

See what happens.
If he wants you then he will make the effort.
If he doesn't then you'll know for sure.

I was with a guy for 4 months.
All great at first but he got so needy and a bit controlling and eventually he just gave me the 'ick factor' and that was the end of him.
Don't be like him.
Give him space and get on with the life you had before he was part of it.

possessive ex is local, which he worries about
So he's fed you the idea that his ex is still crazy for him

I was in a relationship last year and he love bombed me then once he was sure he had me, things started to change to the point where I was accepting all sorts of things that I wouldn't had he been like that at the beginning.

It was hard but blocking him and not talking to him was the best thing. Because as infatuated as I was at the time, it was a very short lived relationship so quicker to get over (even though it doesn't feel like it at the time).

What is it about him that attracts you. What is real and what are just words. Think of what was real rather than what he said.

I’ve seen the messages, she does want him back and he’s said no over and over

This sounds very similar, in the beginning it was all complements and kisses, now it’s more jump when he says.
When we’re together there is such chemistry and we get on so well, it’s going to be hard to give up

Gosh you’re right, I don’t want to give him the ick!
I’m going to try back off, see if he comes chasing

Yes back off and things will change. Stop texting him for hours. FFS.

Not sure if that’s sarcastic or not?! Haha
But yeah I’m backing off

Can't you see he's manipulating and showing you what he wants you to see?
He's bad news.
You need to find an uncomplicated guy who is mature and doesn't play games

He's still fucking his "ex"

And really ? 4 months and you can't live without him ?

Get some help

Being needy is very unattractive. I have just ended things with someone like this and your guy will finish with you too if you continue to behave like this.

It’s the worst! I’m 100% backing away from being needy!