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Original poster

I'm tired of my partner's moaning

27 replies

Debbierocket123 · 16/08/2019 09:05

My partner is never happy in his job - I mean who is? But lately, it's all he will talk to me about. I can try and change the subject but it always comes back to him moaning about his job and it is beginning to bring me down too. Don't get me wrong, I was sympathetic at first and would try and listen and help him but it doesn't change anything and he complains about the same things every day. It's making him unpleasant to be around and I just want to see him happy and to be honest it would be nice if he took an interest in MY day and what I had to say. Please help, I don't want to leave him but I don't want to be around him either. Has anyone else experienced this? What did you do?

OP posts:
Kewlwifee · 16/08/2019 09:11

Why it ask him what he wants to do about it? Give him suggestions from quitting to look for a new job to just joining LinkedIn or indeed and seeing what's out there.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/08/2019 09:15

You need to tell him what have you told us.
Have you told him any of this before.
If not, it's time!

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 16/08/2019 09:15

Yes, I have tried this, I tried to help him get a new job or how to deal with his stresses but it doesn't change anything. He's had 4 new jobs in as many months.

OP posts:
WarmthAndDepth · 16/08/2019 09:21

Run for the hills. It is so draining to live with someone who moans, complains and looks at life through a 'glass-half-empty' lense. Complete mood-hoovers. Whatever you do, don't have kids with someone like this, it is really unsettling for kids to be around adults who aren't at least trying to be constructive and solution oriented. I feel for you.

hellsbellsmelons · 16/08/2019 09:23

Oh - so it's not just one job, it's every job!?
That's not good OP.
This won't improve.
Don't waste your life with a fun-sucker.
Time to leave him to his own devices and get yourself a happy life!

RantyAnty · 16/08/2019 09:23

4 jobs in 4 months? How long have you been together?

Thingsdogetbetter · 16/08/2019 09:25

I had a crap, stressful job which had sucked my confidence and my joy so much I didn't think I would get another. My dh and I agreed that I would get half hour 'purging' after work everyday. Then i couldn't whinge or mention it again that day. Same shite every day was soul sucking - for both of us. But me getting it all out - without 'helpful advice' (god that made me feel worse - he had no idea about the job and made me feel belittled) meant I could get on with the evening.

Eventually I got pissed off enough at being miserable I quit. My dh made it very clear that he would support me if I had to take lower pay or temp work. I now have a less secure, slightly lower paid contract in a position I love. But I literally got the contract a few days before my notice was up. Being unemployed was more scary than the hatred for the job, so it took a long time to make the leap.

Does he feel trapped by finances? By lack of confidence? Are you in a position to support him short term if he quits without something to go to? Is there work out there in the first place? Would a hobby that would boast his confidence help - rather than the work, moan/obsess, sleep, work cycle? What used to give him joy?

RushianDisney · 16/08/2019 09:26

I had one like this, thankfully dumped him, 6 years on he is still at home and still mostly unemployed.

Thingsdogetbetter · 16/08/2019 09:29

Bloody hell, just seen 4 jobs in 4 months and has hated them all. Fucken hell. Ignore everything I just wrote. If you have no kids, I'd run. If you have kids together, I'd stil consider running. He's a joy-sucker and will never be happy. And he'll make sure you aren't either.

How long have you been together?

Flerkin · 16/08/2019 09:36

If its every job it would fuck me off.

One job has to have something decent about it.

Honestly i would worry he will float from job to job to job moaning his whole life.

At the end of the day most of us wouldnt go to work if we didnt have to.

But we look for the positives in each job.

Some jobs are conpletely awful, but u don't believe he couldnt have had all 4.

My dp doesnt like his job. He had a career that had an expiry date. He hates himself for pursuing that career when he knew he couldnt do it is whole life. His job now iant great. But it pays the Bill's and he is learning skills to put on his CV that will lead to a better. The people he works with are ok. They are the positives. That's what he concentrates on.

IloveJudgeJudy · 16/08/2019 16:29

I worked with a woman like this, but she managed to turn her thinking around by telling herself that the job is the thing that enables her to buy a house with her partner and then start a family. Another colleague was the same but also managed to turn around his thinking. I appreciate that it's easier said than done, but I'm sure that even if he tried that would be enough for you.

Zaphodsotherhead · 16/08/2019 18:02

I used to try to tell my OH about my job.

His reply, every time was 'tell the cunts to fuck off.'

Yeah. That was really constructive. (sarcasm). Is yours generally a joy suck in all other departments, OP, or is it just about work?

Original poster
Debbierocket123 · 19/08/2019 16:09

haha maybe I will try saying that to him!!! He generally is negative about everything but mostly work. Every sunday he brings me down by saying how fast the weekend has gone and I will respond with "but haven't we had so much fun? We still have a whole day left until work tomorrow". I don't want to leave him because there are so many other amazing sides to him but is there anyway to influence someone to be more positive? Also no we don't have children.

OP posts:
Zaphodsotherhead · 20/08/2019 09:48

IME there is no way to make someone more positive. It is more likely that they drag you down with their negativity, or you find yourself having to be Mrs Bright And Breezy all the time, like you would with a child.

I've just split up from my Mr Negative. And the world looks so much brighter a place this morning!

AttilaTheMeerkat · 20/08/2019 10:21

Why are you together?. Are you codependent and or have rescuer/saving tendencies?. He is not yours to rescue and or save from his own deeply rooted negativity here.

What other amazing sides to him does he have exactly?. Is this really you trying to put a gloss on your own poor choice of man here?. He sounds absolutely dreadful and you are sadly allowing your own self to be dragged down with him. There is indeed no way to make someone like this feel more positive about anything.

ScabbyHorse · 20/08/2019 10:29

I had one just like this and I had to leave him. I became depressed because of it. It was horrible. When I saw it affecting my child he had to go. Hope you don't mind me asking but do you want to have children? Even if you do not, I don't think you should stay with him, he is bringing you down! Life is hard enough already surely, without that negativity? What if something really bad happens, would he still support you?

snowy0wl · 20/08/2019 11:26

It sounds like he needs a change in career or industry?

Ninkaninus · 20/08/2019 11:31

No...you can’t really make someone more positive. And the fact that he’s had for jobs in as many months speaks volumes as to what kind of man he is (for clarity: the kind that won’t stay in a job and doesn’t have the skills or wherewithal to stick with things even when they’re not that great, or the motivation to find something better suited).

Really, honestly, he’s going to bring you down and wear you down and suck all the joy out of you. I would make break whilst you still can, given that you don’t have children together.

DarkestBeforeTheDawn4 · 20/08/2019 11:46

Dp has had all his jobs for much longer but over the decade we've been together I can't remember one he didn't constantly moan about, wasn't stressed over, where he wasn't apparently surrounded by useless colleagues that he had to pick up the slack for. 4 different companies and many different roles in that decade. He's resisted any suggestion to change to a more enjoyable or less stressful career. Early on I figured it was the job and was happy to be very supportive and listen to all the moaning, but post kids it's just exhausting and I struggle to GAF when the same issues have apparently appeared in every role he's had for a decade. It wasn't an issue when we first moved in together, it gets more exhausting as time goes by.

Ninkaninus · 20/08/2019 11:59

Confused *four!

Wingedharpy · 20/08/2019 12:37

Are his 4 jobs essentially just the same job in 4 different places?

blackcat86 · 20/08/2019 12:42

DH does this and it has been every job. Everyone else is stupid and incompetent. I just started responding with 'well it sounds like it wont change there and you should find something else' (rinse and repeat). Also make it clear if you've had a shit day to or he will always hog the limelight. I found I ended up doing more than my fair share around the house or of emotional support which pissed me off.

Thatsalovelycuppatea · 20/08/2019 12:44

You're lucky he tells you. Mine is very secretive about his. Pisses me off.

TheRLodger · 20/08/2019 12:46

To be brutally honest ltb
I was with a similar moaner. And whilst I accept he had a more taxing job than me it would have been nice to vent about my once in a while terrible day at work. Ann’s it not to be answered with an ok well my day was worse. And his moaning stopped other conversations for instance about our future happening. And I well ltb

flipperdoda · 20/08/2019 13:44

Nope. Ex thought almost everyone around him at work was incompetent, didn't put in enough hours etc. Things weren't his fault.

Guess who he expected to fix the relationship when it turned sour?

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