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Relationships

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Original poster

Do selfish men ever change?

13 replies

Lostthesun · 15/08/2019 14:26

Just that really. My ex husband often said “oh if / when we have a baby I’ll be home more” or “when we have children I’ll stop golf / fishing as much” or “I won’t waste my money when we have a family”

Got me thinking.. had I had a child with him would he have changed.. would he have stayed? The marriage didn’t breakdown because of that (he just upped and left one day and moved on to someone else within 3 weeks.. I definitely want children one day)

I know nobody can really answer for him but be interested to know peoples thoughts..

OP posts:

Coldfeetwarmheart1 · 15/08/2019 14:36

Not direct experience but selfish men in my family and friend groups stay the exact same if no t defiantly selfish when babies come along and that is when the real problems start. They seems not to realise that by having a family , the sacrifices are overwhelming and enormous and many fight against them. A few days On mn will testify to that .

Pinkmonkeybird · 15/08/2019 14:42

No, they stay the same. They might put on a whole new helpful persona for the next woman, but it soon slips.

PicsInRed · 15/08/2019 15:09

They get worse, because now you're stuck.

Shoxfordian · 15/08/2019 15:38

No they don't change
It's all empty words

Afterthestorm · 15/08/2019 15:43

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MrMagooooo · 15/08/2019 16:30

I believe people can change but only if they can see their behaviour / are willing to change their behaviour.

NotSuchASmugMarriedNow1 · 15/08/2019 16:31

I think selfish men (and women) are just inherently selfish by nature, and no, they don't change.

Snooper22 · 15/08/2019 16:42

No they dont change. My exh was selfish now hes with another woman with a baby and he still just as selfish..so I knew I was right to leave!!!

Everafter1 · 15/08/2019 16:57

No, that's an empty promise.
You'd just have a selfish man and a baby for it to effect.

He just left you & was properly with someone else within 3 weeks! What an ass. He probably wouldn't have stayed, would've just pulled away becoming more selfish until he upped and left.

M0RVEN · 15/08/2019 16:59

Yes they do change. They get a lot worse because it’s much harder to leave and they know you will stay “ for the sake of the children”.

Prawnofthepatriarchy · 15/08/2019 17:06

Never get involved with someone who isn't genuinely kind. People seldom change. A GP I know says the only people who do are alcoholics/addicts who get long-term clean and sober.

yearinyearout · 15/08/2019 17:09

I would say my DH has become far more considerate as he's aged. I don't think having kids had anything to do with it, just general maturity.

M0RVEN · 15/08/2019 17:21

That’s interesting Prawn, because after I wrote it I remembered two friends who have changed, dramatically. Both were ( are? ) addicts and I didn’t know them before they were using, so I don’t know if they were decent people first IYSWIM.

No maybe I should say no, barring rehab and / or a major religious conversion.

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