Feud with my brother

[CloudsCanLookLikeSheep]

I have fallen out with my brother and not sure who is being reasonable/unreasonable here.

We were due to go to a festival, me him and his friend. He said he'd pay for a pre erected tent (one of those luxury bell tent things) if I paid for the bedding. He's quite well off, not that it should really matter, so said he'd pay the tent (£600) if I paid the bedding (£80). His friend was also coming in the tent.

The week before the festival (which incidentally got cancelled) I asked if his mate was also putting in. My logic being, I haven't got a lot of money so if I'm paying £80 for 3 people one of whom I don't really know I wanted to know that his friend was also chipping in.

He got very offended saying it was none of my business, but his friend had actually offered to buy us all a meal. I said fair enough.

Since then, the festival was cancelled so he said I could come to stay with him instead and at the last minute changed his mind and said he was going to a party and I wasn't invited. He made the excuse that it was because the host didn't know me but it sounded a bit iffy.

He later admitted it was because he was so hacked off at me asking what his friend was putting in, and in his mind this was calculating and penny pinching as I was trying to get the price down for myself.

We've kind of fallen out about it now but I'm just wondering now if what I asked was so bad?

I don't think the difference in wealth is the issue really.

It sounds like he was happy to pay £600 for the tent, and wasn't rubbing your nose in it or expecting anything other than £80 for bedding.

All you had to do was turn up, pay £80 and have a good time.

By asking how much the friend was contributing you appeared to be double-checking the fairness of the situation, and by doing so called into question whether you yourself were being treated fairly.

I expect he felt that your situation was entirely fair, and bristled at the suggestion that he would allow it to be otherwise.

Unless your initial reply was one of apology, I don't blame him for being pissed off tbh.

Not writing him off @witchinaditch but I don't feel like socialising with him any more. Various reasons that I don't want to go in to on this thread, but he has hurt me and as such I feel like some time out/away from him.

well he basically offered to pay for the tent for everyone and no one else was 'expected' to pay for the basic provisions- except for you.
Damn right you question what the 3rd person was chipping in!
As for the alleged meal - what, at the festival? A one-off burger n chips 'meal'?

At least you know for next time - just insist on taking your own tent. i wouldn't feel comfy sharing my personal sleeping space with a stranger despite them having their 'own' area in the tent.

Well, I wonder if the problem arose with you asking about other people's contributions?

There you WBU.

Unlike others I think the rest of it you WNBU, but just leave it!

I think you've shot yourself in the foot here.

Everyone likes to associate with people who are generous rather than mean or penny pinching. It makes us feel good to be in company with people who give rather than take, even if it's in proportion to earnings.

It wasn't up to you to police the friend's contribution, especially given what your DB was putting in.

Hopefully you can make your peace and put this behind you because, frankly, life's far too short to fall out over something so trivial.

@SavingSpaces2019 But the DB was paying £600 for presumably the VIP wristbands which would include; the luxury tent, access to the 'posh portaloos', bar area access with less waiting, seated drinks area with cover in case of rain. If OP had took her own tent to save the £26 she raised she'd have still had to pay to pitch her own tent which is still ££'s, use the same vile toilets as 1000s of others (no loo roll, piss everywhere, massive lines at the bar, and be sleeping in her tent on her own very far away from her DBs. The 'burger n chips' with a drink x3 would be easily £12 a piece so would have covered her £26 for the mate. Swap a soft drink for a cider and you're talking £6-7 a pop. So really for £80 she was getting an absolute bargain!

You were being U but obviously you've decided you're not but you're not going to tell us why because he's now said 'other things' - convenient!

It's irrelevant what he was paying because you weren't going halves, you were paying a fraction of the cost. It's not about being a 'poor relation' it's about being frankly self absorbed.

I don’t think you’re being ridiculous. It is ridiculous to act like you should be ok paying the friends share of bedding just because your brother is paying the tent. Paying for your brother makes sense, paying for his friend when there no indication that the friend would be paying anything towards your expenses is crap. Your could have avoided this whole mess by actually being clear about the set up and telling you he’s got the tent covered, you do bedding for all, and friend will cover the food.

In fairness as OP stated she could just have took her own tent - which for the average pitch at a festival is £125-150. That way she wouldn't have to worry about the £26 for the bedding for DBs friend, and it would only have cost her £70 extra to feel less aggrieved.

So she would rather pay £70 more? Because she doesnt feel the friend contributed enough?

So really for £80 she was getting an absolute bargain!
Yes - a bargain agreed between her and her brother only.
There was no knowledge of a 3rd party at the time - and she wasn't given the courtesy of being asked to extend her part of the bargain with them.
It's the way her brother handled it.
I bet if he'd asked politely/courteously OP probably wouldn't have minded.
Personally, i'd hate to share a tent with my bro. If i knew his mate was there as well then i'd rather sleep next to the campfire (if i didn't have my own).

I may not be rich in monetary terms but what i have i like to share - as long as i'm doing it out of my own free will.
I don't care how much money someone else has - they don't get to lord it over me.
If they choose to share their generosity with me, i may accept it graciously - but i still won't let them lord it over me.

i'm going to shut up now - i can hear Aretha Franklin screaming in my head