Is it possible to have loved someone that I haven't seen in over 20 years?

[Shana123]

I'm not sure that I have ever managed to 'get over' someone that I fell in love with (pretty much at first sight) over 20 years ago. We saw each other over about a year before they went on holiday to their parents home town in Spain. When I went over to surprise them (mutual friends were going over as well at the time) they told me that they had decided to stay and were hooked up with an old flame again.
During the year we were together I wasn't completely over a breakdown that I had suffered previously so I've always felt it was my fault and that I wasn't coming across as committed to them as I was.
Anyway, we have kinda kept in contact on and off over social media through the years and they got married and had a daughter and I have also married and have 4 beautiful children too.
About 5 years ago I found out that my partner had been having an affair for the best part of 4 years but I stayed with them for the sake of my children (and also because I feel like a walk over and dont have the confidence to be single after all these years).
A couple of years ago someone who is the spitting image of my ex walked into my church and my stomach did somersaults and I could hardly take my eyes off them (more in disbelief that it wasn't them tbh), which has left me wondering what might have been all over again.
I'm sorry for the essay but I feel so wrong that I can hardly sleep and that I am somehow betraying my children. I do love my partner but the trust has gone and although I do believe they have been faithful since, I still cant let it go.
Let me be clear, it isn't an obsession, we haven't been in constant contact over the years but seeing that person at church and how my body/mind reacted was a bit of a shock.
Thank you for taking the time to read this x

I just looked up an old flame on the net .... I know I am being shallow but bald, fat and over fifty ... I had a lucky escape.

No.

I do think it's possible, OP. I didn't see someone for 24 years and when he rang me after all those years, just hearing his voice made me feel as if I was going to faint. When we actually met a few weeks later it was as if we'd never been apart. We're still together 15 years later.

Good luck if you decide to pursue your feelings.

I think your feelings are probably more a reaction to the problems in your current relationship tbh and I have to ask, why are you still with him if the trust is gone? I also think it's very normal to wonder 'what might have been' with previous relationships, but what you're experiencing goes a bit beyond that and that's why I think it's more about what's happening now in your life.

Ultimately you don't know your ex now, people change and there's every chance you wouldn't have the same connection with the person he is now as you did 20 years ago. Your reaction in church was probably a mixture of shock and confusion because you knew it couldn't be him but he looked so similar, I think most people would find that fairly unsettling.

Maybe it's time to have a proper think about your current relationship and whether it's possible to carry on indefinitely when there's no trust. Being alone can actually be a whole lot less lonely than being in an unhappy marriage