Taking the DCs to my narc mother

[Nochanceinhell]

I'm seething. My name change reflects my thoughts on the thread title.

My mother is narcissistic. Oh while I'm here the Daily Mail can fuck off. That narc bit is my opinion and I don't use the narc term lightly. I know the level of shit I've been through since childhood eg at age 7 I used to fantisise that my real mother would turn up and save me and I was crushingly disappointed when I learned about genetics and that there is no doubt she is my mother.

I've been no contact with her for a good 8 years. Life has been much better without her toxic drama. For fuller picture I have an exH of 5 years and two DCs (tweens - being deliberately vague here). My dad died a long time ago. ExH sees the DCs 2 or 3 times a year as he moved abroad when we split.

So the ex contacts me to say that it's about time the DCs had contact with their grandma and he wants to take them to see her. That I don't have to have any contact but they should. This is a very, very bad idea and I've said under no circumstances should he take DCs to see her.

Has anyone else been in this type of situation and if so what did you do to protect your DCs?

I want to be clear that ex has not taken them to see her in the time we've split. I do not know whether he will now. I may be freaking out for no reason.

I'm hoping that should he decide to go against my wishes that I can do something to protect my children. Is there anything?

Solicitor here, but not specialising in family law. You may be able to obtain an injunction against your mother having contact, however, I would advise you to call a local family solicitor in the morning to arrange a free 30 mins consultation to discuss this as family law is not my area, no doubt countless internet cowboys lawyers will be along shortly.

Similar has happened to me and I was going to give my advice but do not want to be ridiculed by the first poster. I saw a solicitor. She was very helpful.

It's honestly not my intention to ridicule anyone, but I have seen too many posters on family law threads with similar but not the same situation and that advice has been damaging.

So has your mum been in contact with him?
Are there 'flying monkeys' involved here?
You need to make it clear to him that under no circumstances are your DC to have any contact with your mum.
If he insists then you will take legal advice to protect them.
She is too toxic for you and therefore too toxic for your DC and you do not want them exposed to her.
He see's them 3 times a year and he does NOT get to decide who they see during those 3 visits.
He should be concentrating on THEM.
Make sure he knows this.

Get legal advice and send them a letter.

Kanga83

It is not your job to police the internet.

You have stopped others from offering g their experience and advice.

You can object to that advice if you like, but to come on trying to bully people into not replying is, quite frankly, unprofessional.

There's a flying monkey Hellsbells. My SIL contacted him a couple of weeks ago. When I went no contact my mother did a good hatchet job on me, actually she'd been doing it for years. So I've had very limited contact with extended family. Most stopped contact with me including my brother, a couple have had sporadic contact (once a year max) but insist that they do this without my mothers knowledge.

So yes the ex has been triggered by a flying monkey.

It may be she can’t do any damage in a short visit that only happens three times a year

Northernaparent68 My mother in law did. She caused trouble that lasted for years in one visit.

Had a brief message from exH, he's not taking the DCs to my mother. I'm so relieved. I spoke to a friend IRL and she wondered whether he felt obligated to ask but actually didn't want to get involved. That's a possibility.

Thank you for your responses. I'm going to have some chats with the DCs about identifying when people are manipulating them. I want them to have the resilience to step back should they ever be in that type of situation.

What a relief OP.
Very glad he has listened to you.
He can now go back and tell them all that he tried but you won't allow it.
No problem at all.
Well done!