Is it me am i crazy

[soinpain]

So I have a gf of 8 years now, she has a daughter who is now 20, i met gf when her daughter was 12.

Since she was 12 i've tried to give her some direction and chores to try and give her some discipline in life, but this was over ruled by her highness and this caused so much hassle between us for years, i tried to be a father and help her and make her understand after discovering her multiple messages to boys at age 14 when she started seeing them and having sex that they are not like chocolate and i attempted to try various tactics to say you will get a bad rep if you carry on concentrate on your studies get good grades and then do what you want, all fell on deaf ears, her grades were average she failed 2 college courses and was kicked out of 1 and now she has just scraped and is going to uni doing a foundation course. This past year has been the worst shes 20 now no job her room is just like a tip she thinks the landing is the trash area with bags of trash and someone else can do it.

She last year stole £200 from a tin her mother was saving for a holiday and blamed it on me when i work, totally broke my heart, she didn't even apologise and she didn't even make her daughter apologise.

Now the mrs and her are like 2 peas in a pod SD can do nothing wrong in her eyes.

Now the story of me and the mrs, the above has caused problems for me and mrs big time always at war, mrs runs a business says i dont support her.

I work all week full hours travel 37 miles each way a total of around 4 hours depending on traffic. Get up early to walk the dog at 5am and make sure he's ok and fed.

most saturdays i take her to work drop her off and sometimes i've stayed behind wandered around in the shops be it sunshine or rain until she finished so i could drive her back.

I clean the house top to bottom 2-4 hours, wash all bedsheets, my clothes and some of her clothes if she leaves them out, walk the dog make sure he's fed and cleaned, sort my own tea out.

Now i've told her you got 1 job go to work come back i'll take care of everything else house dog gardening car etc no worry, but still its not good enough.

she no longer gets changed in front of me because she said "shes a classy woman" wtf ? she says i only want her for sex wtf ? although i admit i do, well did have a high sex drive but that makes me feel close to someone. She claims shes asphurgers out of the blue but not been diagnosed when i've told her to get diagnosed, Majority of the time i sit in the back living room and she in the front playing her online game so there is not much interaction. I haven't been kissed in about 6 months not had any sex for about a year nearly and i'm increasingly getting frustrated with her.

I recently discovered she was texting another guy one of her patients talking about how she was going to leave me when her daughter went to uni in sept and if the house was in my name etc etc and why she was still living here. Asking him if he liked her. I confronted her about it and she said she was in a dark place and it was just banter etc etc.

We made up about but still leaves me with questions what if i hadnt discovered the messages ? what was her intention ? is she lying to cover her ass.

I've been nothing but loyal and by nature im a very loving person and love to make people laugh all the time because it makes me happy if i see people happy, shes even managed to dampen that down and now its pretty much silence with the odd few words here and there no physical contact, we are destroying each other. not only that my libido is destroyed and my sex drive is also destroyed.

I really don't think i will recover from this ie i don't think i could have another relationship i feel that she's finished me off at 38 and i feel so unloved and feel its all me i'm the prick and i don't know where to turn, feel like women don't want a good bloke, her ex was abusive physically and verbally did nothing around the house, so i just don't get it when you've got someone who does all the above why you would treat him like that, saturday gone i did all the dishes, walked the dog, washed bedsheets clothes, hoovered, cleaned the bathroom, jet washed garden and the car and went to the gym.

Someone tell me if its me do i deserve this ? could i do more.

i'm no angel btw, but i've never cheated, been abusive or called her any horrible names its just been a battle her daughter has caused this in my opinion by being obsessed with her mother.

I think your relationship has come to the end of the road. Maybe you should start making plans to move on with your life alone - you can't possibly be happy with the way things are.

I don't think she has any respect for you whatsoever. You can try talking to her about everything you've said here but it probably won't do any difference. If you can get out, I'd start thinking about doing it. You would have less hassle and stress if you were single.

It doesn't sound like a nice place to live.

Why is she texting a patient about your relationship? What is her job?

Something tells me you're not Prince Charming. Telling her daughter she'll get a 'reputation', saying things like 'the mrs' and 'her highness'. How about your high sex drive, how did that manifest itself? You like to see people happy, then how do you attempt to make her happy? What did you actually do to keep the love alive apart from listing all the things you do and then wanting sex.

You are not compatible. Separate.

If I started seeing a bloke and immediately he tried asserting himself over my child then he wouldn't last 8weeks let alone 8 years.

Well she acts like her highness its just a figure of speech as i'm a little upset and i didn't want to play daddy to her daughter i told her this, but she insisted i do and insisted i tell her to go to bed etc etc and then when i did assert myself told me to back off which confused me totally ?

@ pinkyredrose

mean doing all i do is not enough, wanting her to sit with me and watch a film have a drink is not enough ? i'm also human and also get tired you know, asking her to go for a walk with the dog and get shunned everytime. we've gone for meals, gone to the cinema and still it wasn't enough.

@tixielix i didn't do that immediately she insisted i did, i told her i had no intention of playing father but she insisted and it back fired big time.

And is the house in your name? If it is I'd tell her & her daughter to move out, by the end of the month.
The relationship has run its course & they're both just taking the piss now.

@eileenalanna

its been so long that i still care but i just wish i could wave a wand to make it better, im in pain but at the same time so stuck and want to get out i dont know what to do, remember theres a dog hes the closest ive got to a child but in dog form.

It doesn't sound like you're compatable at all but you're absolutely not "on the shelf" so to speak at 38!!

It sounds like she takes you for granted and doesn't appreciate you at all. Have you had a proper chat about all this? You could try doing less round the house and see if she notices. Having said that the last thing you want to do is start playing games for a reaction because it's all so exhausting! Not sure what I'm saying here but you deserve better and should leave and find it.

i might add dont forget the holidays that i part paid for her daughter been to disney world florida, universal studios, just recently the mrs paid for her to go to korea.

@aquariansquirrel

yes i've tried doing less and not at all it just gets met with huffs and puffs oh youve not done the dishwasher its like she's messing with me.

It sounds like you need to have a serious chat with your gf and lay all your cards on the table. You have been together 8 years like you say and she should respect you enough to talk about any issues you have. If she can't do this then you need to consider if she's the one for you. You've given 8 years but you don't have to give any more if not.

I’m sorry you are going through this 😔. Her actions seem to indicate she has checked out emotionally even though she justifies it by asperger when you point it out to her.

Blame game won’t help. It’s not your fault and nothing more you can do would make a difference if she has checked out.

I would personally prepare myself mentally to leave/separate and then sit her down and tell her that’s what you want. That might shock her into realising what she could lose (but then changes must follow) or go through with the separation. Good luck

Leave.
I really don't like your attitude to the young woman or her mother. You should leave.

Are you Welsh op?
Completely missing the point
You just sound like the men in my life
"messing with me"
"the Mrs"
"Her highness"

I think you'd be better off out of this relationship.

@user1471546851 I thought the same thing. I'm near Cardiff and the phrasing sounded local.

We're only getting one half of the story and it's a bit disjointed but I feel like you're unhappy, your partner is unhappy and her daughter is unhappy. Why are you, as a collective, forcing this? Sit down and talk to her about splitting up. A few weeks maybe a month of pain sounds like it would be kinder than dragging it out anymore

Op you didn't answer my question about sex. Did you ever pester her? Could just be that she's fed up of you. Sounds like this relationship is dead in the water.

No exactly how I’ve posted it is exactly what’s been happening I’ve tried love with her daughter and I’ve tried to be hard nothing worked she just went and told on me to her mother all the time and that caused gf to argue with me sd bf dumped her for exact same reason her obsession with her mother and she didn’t care and as I’ve explained the wording is a figure of speech I wrote in frustration and anger

Sounds to me like you'd all be better off out of it OP. You can't make a silk purse from a sow's ear. It's never going to be what you want it to be. Sad though it is you need to cut your losses and get out.

Maybe the overwhelming smell of burning martyr is putting her off?

That may sound cruel, but why are you putting yourself through this, when it is plain that you don't even like her or her daughter?

This isn't a relationship, it's a bad habit. It's probably time to break it. What's for sure is carrying on doing all sorts of things for her and her daughter and expecting something in return (then being pissed off when you don't get it) isn't going to work, or it would have by now.

She cannot give you what you want. Choosing to stay means choosing her as she is now, because she isn't going to change. Yes, it is unfair, but you cannot get back the years you have spent with her - you can only choose to not waste any more years.