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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Colleague confusion

8 replies

leosauntyeggie73 · 14/08/2019 20:44

Hi everyone - just looking for your take on this situation.

About 1 year ago I started a new job. One of the people who works there is a nice looking bloke, around my own age, same circumstances. He seemed to have a decent sense of humour and when it recently became known to me that he is single we entered into a bit of banter via email. Whenever he came into my office he made a lot of eye contact and smiled a lot etc. I was trying to suss him out to see if he was interested and whenever we had to speak on the phone there was a bit of a spark there. Anyway - here's the thing - last week after a few emails he suddenly emailed to say "Don't worry I know you fancy me" I was a bit taken aback and replied by saying Eeeh? You are making me blush! I didn't know what else to say. He responded with a laughing face and I then "jokingly" said Please don't tell HR - Ill leave you in peace if you want me to. Now everything has gone a bit weird. He came in the next day to my office and I was on the phone so couldn't do the eye contact thing. He came in a few more times that day and then he seems as if he has just faded off. I get the odd jokey email which I respond to and then that's it! Is he game playing?

OP posts:
Scott72 · 14/08/2019 20:52

Maybe you spooked him a bit with mentions of HR. I don't think its ever a good idea to date colleagues anyhow.

leosauntyeggie73 · 14/08/2019 20:57

Yeah I did wonder that myself. He's not a direct colleague in that I see him all day every day. I have had a disastrous relationship with a colleague in the past but I am a (lot) older and wiser I guess now

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beenwhereyouare · 14/08/2019 21:44

Texts and emails are easy to misinterpret, which is what I think happened here. Speaking allows you to hear inflection and the context makes the meaning much clearer. He may not have understood you were joking, you (because you were on a business call) didn't make eye contact and he probably thinks you're not really interested. The fact he's in and out all day sounds like he's looking for a sign you are.
Go for it!

leosauntyeggie73 · 14/08/2019 22:22

Thank you. I'm not quite sure what to do tbh. Never had to make the first move Blush

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Parent999 · 15/08/2019 08:15

Is this all work email etc? and then you mentioned HR? I think its probable he is being very careful. He's made a move, he's probably waiting for you to respond in kind.
If it were me I would appreciate an email like this.

"I quite like you, but am a little worried about using company comms to talk. Would you like to join me for a coffee at lunch? it would be nice to talk without the spotty IT kid watching."

leosauntyeggie73 · 15/08/2019 20:55

Yeah - that sounds good - I'll give it a go!!

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Dappledsunlight · 16/08/2019 08:18

It's the HR reference that made him cautious I reckon! I would avoid making such "jokey" references in emails. You don't know how things will evolve and how written communication can be used. I find his remark a bit arrogant. He needs to ask you out or forget it and stop faffing about.

leosauntyeggie73 · 16/08/2019 17:55

Yes. I agree on all points. 😁

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