Brief relationship ended-toxic man- good idea to meet up for closure?

[Redfox]

Met a man online recently and saw him for nearly 4 months. While seeing him, my instincts were telling me not to trust this man but I ignored them as I was too busy enjoying the ride. ( sex in other words) However about 2 weeks ago I have found out how duplicitous and manipulative he was and knew our relationship was over and left his house.

He text me a couple of times afterwards and I ignored then. However I got in touch 2 days ago as I wanted some stuff sent to me that I left at his house. We had a frank discussion over the phone and I called his bluff. I left my feelings be known and told him some home truths and he agreed and apologised.

We have tentatively agreed to meet up to have a face to face conversation. Is this ever a good idea? Why do I want to meet up? I suppose I want to say certain things to him. I suppose I want him to explain himself further. I suppose I want to see him squirm if I am honest. Will meet in a public space etc. I know some of you may say he will manipulative me further but I am pretty challenging. And I know that I have to prepare myself if I don’t get the answers from him and to prepare myself about how I will feel afterwards. Is there such a thing as closure anyway?

Anyone else done this and how did it work out ? Should I just move on without meeting him? I learnt that you should always trust your instincts.

I can understand your reasoning behind it but is this man really worth you craving time out of your day to meet up with him? Personally I would just politely ask for your stuff back and not resume contact afterwards.

Is the stuff you left at his really worth it? I would just replace the things I can and move on. Don't let this guy get into your head or your bed!! You can't get closure from other people. You have to find it yourself. Block him and move on.

He’ll probably try to manipulate you in person

What on earth for......a round of blame sharing? That's what it'll probably end up as. It's likely to end up being unpleasant as each of you gets defensive and you'll regret it.

You won't get what you want. The guys a shit. Nothing you or he can say will make that better.

Do you really think he's going to squirm as you tell him home truths? Really? He's probably heard it all before - several times! What explainations do you think he'll give you? The truth? Really?

This is not a Hollywood movie where you tell the player home truths and then walk off, head held high, as he weeps into his coffee and realising he's lost his one chance at happiness!

He'll try to manipulate you, he'll lie and make you question yourself, he'll say he realises he's been a twat and promise to change. You already know he's a lying manipulative bastard - they don't give closure; they give confusion. You'll either fall for it or walk away more confused and doubting yourself. Whatever stuff you've left behind after a four month relationship is not worth that!

Don't, you won't make him squirm, he will enjoy the extra attention. Forget about him and sont try and understand him, he's not worth it.

I always want to chew over things and have a post mortem in the misguided belief that it will bring me closure. Reality is YOU have to find your own closure because you're not going to get it from him. I would block and move on. It really is the quickest way to out it in the past.

Thingsdogetbetter says it all.

I had a wobble but I am not going to be meet him for one last conversation. It will achieve nothing but me being manipulated. As someone else says, I can not get closure from other people, I get it from myself

It will be 2 weeks this Saturday that I saw him last and if I saw him again, then I will have to start all over again.

Good call Redfox....nothing would be achieved for seeing him again. Move on and forget.

I'm SO glad you're not meeting him. It's hard to walk away and not have that final word, but invariably these meetings are about manipulation. They're always shitty, aren't they? How many people have had that final meeting and thought, "That went SO well! I feel fantastic after that!"? Not many! Certainly not me! It prolongs the agony.
Onwards and upwards, redfox.

Wise call OP, move on.

As said above, highly likely he's been called out many times before.

So true!

TheVanguardSix - yes so true!

Yes I am actually feeling a bit better and lighter now that I know I will not be seeing him again and try and get one over on him.
Onwards and forward with decent people

Don’t weaken. I wish I’d blocked and walked away from my ex when my instinct first kicked in, I was right but let him manipulate me. Two years later it’s over and I’m having counselling and it’s been a long road to getting over it.