On outskirts of friendship groups

[Mam654]

I often find myself on the outskirts of friendship groups. I've moved around a so have no long-term friends - they are all women from the school run that I've known for about 5 years. If I meet any friend on a one-to-one basis, it seems we are good friends, but when in a group I often come away feeling deflated and slightly excluded from conversations. Sometimes I am not invited to some group meet-ups.

A few women at the school seem to have taken an instant dislike to me, even though they don't know me well and I try to be friendly.

I am quite confused and wondering why? I am sociable, not opinionated or annoying (I think?!) and I'm not a show-off type. I thought maybe there are things they are jealous of? I used to be pretty, so I suppose I'm attractive for my age. However, compared with them I am not very well off - we live in a small three bed semi and they are all very well off financially with massive houses.

I find they can sometimes present their lives as being perfect, whereas I feel like I'm a bit more down to earth in my conversation (I'm from the Midlands where people do chat more openly than they seem to around here).

Can anyone else relate?

Of course, I prefer talking to the mums with a giant coffee and a hangover on Monday morning. Theyre more fun and dont judge. Have you chosen the right people to hang out with? Spread your wings and try to talk to the people you wouldnt normally choose, you might be surprised.

I agree with the poster above. I think sometimes you have to kiss a lot of frogs before you find a group of people who you really like. Carry on being cheerful and fr and try to gradually get to know more people.

Hi, I know what you are saying but the mums at school are the only people I meet. It's not impossible, but would be difficult. I'm self-employed in a role where I don't meet other adults. I can't go to evening classes because I'm at home with my kids. Their daughters are friends with my daughter, so I do want to be 'in the group' as it were, as I would not want my DD to be left out of outings, etc.

I’m not sure school run friendships are real friendships. They are of the moment and fluid subject to the state of the kids friendships. Of course there will always be exceptions to this rule but I’ve experienced it first hand and seen spectacular school run friendship breakups. Women who used to post Facebook pictures of them together on holiday. BFFs. Sisters etc and then the kids have a spat and boom bye bye friendship. These aren’t solid foundation friendships which is why you feel deflated. Try and get to meet non school run people. There’s an app called meet-up which has lots of groups. Type in your area. Choose a topic eg book club. Spread your wings and make new connections

School mum friendships are very similar to the school playground itself, very cliquey in my experience.
If they are not 'accepting' you then why would you want to be friends with them? As a PP said, a lot of these friendships tend to be based on the kids, and when they've fallen out, the mums have nothing in common.

I think you'll find it's them and not you OP.

Im not really sure what you want OP, I meant make friends with some of the other parents at the school gates. Just to increase your social circle and have options.
Maybe take the lead a bit more in your group? organise a Mums night out or be the first to suggest the park/beach visit, would anyone like to join us. If you make it exciting enough that the other's kids want to go then the parents will naturally talk to you more because youre organising it.

If you are from a different type of area it could perhaps skew your perception of unfriendliness.

It is possible it is what they think of as a neutral response.

Where I live people are far cooler than where I was brought up. There was a gulf in perception. When they were ready to acknowledge me I had already written them off as unfriendly!

There are some good tips and ways of looking at the situation here, thank you. I guess I'm venting - It's good to hear from others who have experienced similar.