Is it normal to want others

[dailydaze]

I have been so confused lately about whether what I feel is normal, or if it is a sign there is something missing/ wrong with my marriage (and previous relationships).

Is it normal to go through surges of wanting other people, wanting the thrill of the chance, someone new and exciting. The impulse to cheat or find a connection outside of your relationship just for a flutter?

Now, I am not asking if it is ok to cheat, because I haven't and i know its not - but I want to know are these impulses normal? I have been content for years, as if that part of me was completely dormant, and lately I have just been feeling really strong feelings of wanting something new.

I honestly believe that humans aren;t meant to be with just one person, and that what I'm feeling is in some way normal? But no one ever talk about it, so here i am worried about what it means... about me as a person and about my marriage.

Any one else?

@wishihad yeah I completely hear you. As a general rule, I don't want multiple partners, but I miss the chase, the excitement and the new connection and learning and thrill of meeting someone new. An open relationship sounds like it would appeal to me now, when I never thought it would before, and like you said - I don't know if thats because my marriage is doomed / lacking and its a band aid, or if its something I genuinely want. I'm so confused, and kinda scared about what it all might mean.

Honestly, the thought of my husband being with someone else makes me only uncomfortable and I could see past it. The uncomfortableness comes from slight self esteem hit and the fact it's what we are ingrained against. But.. the thought in the past would make me want to hurl... why is it different now?

Lots of people feel as you do, look at the whole polyamory movement.

@dailydaze again, not saying polyamory isnt for you

But I was the same. They though of exh with someone else used to upset me to think about. Then I use to think I wouldn't mind.

My marriage went on the long I used to hope he would have an affair.

Like I said, it maybe that you would be happier in an open marriage. You will never allow unless you try.

Either by trying an open marriage or by leaving and ending the marriage and see what follows afterwards.

Even for poly people you might have niggles and insecurities about your partner's other partners. You might even be jealous. It's hypocritical but human. How you react to those feelings matters most.

@dailydaze ahah, that makes sense! There’s normally a little something that sparks it off. Just give yourself loads of time to really see how you feel. I found that reading articles/peoples experiences about open marriages and polyamory helped when it all kicked off for me. Esther Perel is fascinating and presents some really interesting points when it comes to fidelity. Don’t rush into thinking ‘because I feel this it means my marriage is doomed’.

I even used one article to start a general chat with DH about it all and, as was to be expected, for him it’s either all in together or a divorce. Whereas I said that, hypothetically, if opening our marriage would mean we could still love each other and have a stable home for our DC (rather than living together unhappily if it ever got to that stage, again totally hypothetically) then I would consider it.

Please don’t beat yourself up about feeling this way, just give yourself time to think it all out.

Can I just ask...what would you do if your husband was thinking about looking elsewhere for a bit of the rude stuff....
I think you two need a good chat...
As others have suggested....start from the beginning.. go on a date role play....a bit of ruddy tv together.who knows you may get that fanny flutter back again...
It's the sex that's become boring as it does with most people after years together....

@Babybrainstill to be honest, I'd probably think that all men (to varying degrees) think like that. Acting on it is a different matter. I guess I'm just trying to figure out if the problem runs deeper or if this really is just something I live with feeling.

They say that if you're in love, properly in love, you don't even notice anyone else. So I think that in this case it would be good to explore why you're feeling like these, and looking at others. Has something changed recently; both with yourself or your OH? I am in a similar situation I look at other guys and drool, which isn't right I know. Before it gets too bad, have a look at your situation and see if you can work out why you're having these feelings and then try to sort it out before it gets any worse x

I have these thoughts too. Been with dp for 8 years and we have two children. Our sex life has got better in the last couple of months (my hormones have got back to normal after having my youngest, and she's finally sleeping through at night which has helped massively) and things seem to be back on track. But I can't help feeling like I want to flirt with other people and be desired and fancied. I too am in my 30s,only had 5 sexual partners and wished I'd had more before I settled down. Now all I think about is what the sex would be like with some else. And not just sex,kissing and what another mans hands would feel like on my body id never cheat but I can't shake this feeling.

If I hadn't found DH extremely attractive I wouldn't have married him. If during our marriage I found myself seriously attracted to other men I'd have been really troubled. For me it would have been an indication that the marriage was in shit.