15 years realtionship turned violent .

[Cupcake4u]

My husband has a drink problem ( he doesn't drink every day but when he does I hate him ), apart from that it's great.
When he drinks I now hate him , his personality changes he acts like a dick ( I'm the man so that's that behaviour ) .
I have so many negative memories around alcohol and his behaviour I now hate him as I asociate it will misary for me .

Hes smashed things up and thrown stuff in my direction and pushes me over and intimidates me during bad arguments.

Well the other night he pushed me and I punched he as hard as I could in his face and shouted for him to never touch me again and I apologized immediately.
I haven't spoken to him since and don't want to .
He said he wants a divorce and he would have knocked me out if he didn't love me and I was a bloke .

I feel bad as I've really physically hurt him and I've never ever hit anyone I'm my life and could never dream of hurting someone I love ....... But part of me thinks , it was only a natural reaction to hit out and it was the 4 th times he's done it in 5 years ...

What should I do , so be it we will get a divorce but every argument has been over the way he acts when he's been drinking

We have 4 young children

It’s time to end this toxic environment for your children.

The penny dropped that my ex wasn't a nice man when it dawned on me that;

1. he knows what he's like when he's drunk- because I've told him enough times

1. he's sober when be takes the first drink.

I'd managed to compartmentalise him.in my mind into two people - the "nice" version and the drunk version. Breaking this illusion was really important for me. He's one person, the same person when he's sober as drunk. He chooses to take that first drink.

Your relationship hasn't just turned violent. You shouldn't have hit him but your partner brought the threat of violence into the relationship by intimidating you. And also made it physical by pushing you.

Divorce sounds like a good idea..

to you. He's not a nice man.