My mum and I have quite a tense relationship. In some ways we are very close - I love her very much, She would do anything for me etc (and I know how lucky I am to have that.) However, we have some real issues that I just can't seem to resolve.
As background, she was from an abusive family (I've never met them as she's completely estranged from them). She was quite a domineering mother, but very present (she's from another European country and I think there's some cultural clashes that occur).
Anyway, she just consistently does stuff that either pisses me off (at best), or at worst really upsets me. For example, we had ivf and I dealt with it by creating a bubble for myself and DH and not wanting to discuss it, etc. During this period she kept sending me text messages about how we must have a terrible relationship because I can't talk to her, that I don't trust her etc. She still now will send me random messages out of the blue with a similar vibe.
Today we were out to see an exhibition with my two young children, and they didn't want to hold her hand (only mine). She kept making a massive deal about how they wouldn't hold her hands and then turned to me and said "I don't know why they won't, there must be a reason. They must hear things". I know it sounds petty but it's this sort of stuff that really upsets me. It's like a low and constant onslaught of emotional guilt-tripping. I live up the road from her, we see her at least once a week. We always invite her round (if I invite her to anything it's always "I didn't think you'd want me there"). But it feels like nothing is ever good enough for her. I feel constantly guilty, as though I'm letting her down and that we should be going to spa days every weekend.
For my part, I think I've just started slowly pulling back from her, and that has probably just makes things worse. But she says these explosive things and I'm meant to just plod on like everything is fine (when inside I'm either furious or very sad).
I've had therapy about it but it hasn't changed anything really. I'm just worried that when she dies it'll be with the thought that I never wanted her around. And I'll be left with the knowledge that she felt like i never loved her or something.
I know this is so minor compared to so many other people's worries. But it really does upset me, I just don't feel like there's anything I can do to fix it.