How do I do it?

[Humanswarm]

Hi guys, so, its time to finish my marriage, 11 years..I just can't physically do it any longer. I dread waking up every day. Idread him coming home. I asked for space, he used to call me on his way home, now he calls 3 or 4 times a day. He is trying but, I can't. I do care about him, but I don't love him anymore. And I am desperately unhappy. So, how do I ask him to leave. It is my house, we DCs. They are older, its the holidays we don't get a minute to really talk. I know he'll blow when I tell him, create a holy scene. How do I do that when the DCs can hear? There is no one to have them for me..I don't know how..

Can you get a brother or cousin to come and sit in the house so he has to behave.

My xh exploded with full martyr beast rage so be careful.

It is so worth it.

Dont try to reassure him. It will go round in circles for months. Be as blunt as you can be. Just say it straight "i dont love you". "I want this marriage to end".

There is less "debate" then.
Whatever he accuses you of, just shrug.

How old are the children? you say 'older' so can you not leave them in the house for an hour and take him out somewhere for a talk?
Or can you call him and have the talk on the phone when he is not in the house?

Eldest is 15, youngest 12. Its so hard. I can't call at work as he leaves his phone in locker. He'd still come home..I'm just scared. He has his head buried, he just doesn't see it

Could your children not go to friends for one night? You have to do this one way or another and his behaviour/reaction is not your responsibility, its his.

I know..yes, I could arrange something. I guess I am putting off the inevitable, I just need to find the strength to battle through this. I have no doubt how hard he'll make it.

Of course you don't tell him when the kids are there

Yes OP I do feel you are looking for excuses to put it off. Of course its going to be very hard and worrying about his reaction makes it even worse. Believe me, I've been there!
You have to rip off the plaster and do it otherwise it drags on and causes anxiety. You're already unhappy!
Book a night for the kids to be out and do it as soon as possible!