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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

How would you feel if your dm smacked your 9yo?

52 replies

JellyPeanut · 12/08/2019 20:41

Just this really. I feel bloody angry but my dm is 70 - another generation. I haven't found out all the details yet.

OP posts:
Wildorchidz · 12/08/2019 21:37

How did you find out??

Summerunderway · 12/08/2019 21:38

Nc is the only way isn't it?

readitandwept · 12/08/2019 21:40

Has your son contacted you to tell you? Or did she?

AldiAisleOfTat · 12/08/2019 21:42

It would be the end of my relationship with her.

AlongTheWay · 12/08/2019 21:42

Nc is the only way isn't it?

Seems to be on mumsmet. Hmm

PoppingOneOutIn2020 · 12/08/2019 21:42

The same way I'd feel if anyone.. ever laid so much as a breath of unnecessary air on my child. They woildnt have a leg to stand on by the end of me. Literally. I'd remove their limbs.

inboxmayhem · 12/08/2019 21:44

I'd be fucking fuming and they would get a whack back!

70 year old smacking a 9 year old. Fuck me

Letthemysterybe · 12/08/2019 21:48

I’d feel sick.

namechangedforthis1980 · 12/08/2019 21:51

I'd go mad. My Dad did it to DS when he was little (2/3 years old), right in front of me. I've never forgotten it even though it was several years ago

Mummyshark2018 · 12/08/2019 22:14

@peachgreen
Exactly like this

Naijamama · 12/08/2019 22:18

I would be raging, and would remove my child from her care immediately. She wouldn't be having unsupervised contact with my kids again.

RandomMess · 12/08/2019 22:25

AngryAngryAngryAngryAngryAngry

Thesearmsofmine · 12/08/2019 22:29

I would be furious and collecting my child as soon as I was aware of this happening. Age is no excuse, my parents are the same age and never hit me and would never hit my children either.

cheeseontoastplease · 12/08/2019 22:54

I feel for you. My DM is late 60s and recently hit my 8yo in front of me. I've not gone NC but I'm not sure I'll ever forgive her and she'll not be left alone with them again, her babysitting days are over. She smacked us when we were younger and it was a massive boundary for me which she chose to ignore. Don't ever be made to feel bad for putting your kid's well being first.

PumpkinP · 12/08/2019 23:13

My mum smacked my 2 yo I think it’s easy for people to say go NC but that isn’t always possible for everyone but I didn’t talk to her for a few months but I didn’t cut her off forever

Nanny0gg · 13/08/2019 00:27

I smacked my children.

My children don't smack their children.

Nor do I.

Shalligo · 13/08/2019 00:29

I’d go nuclear. But I’d want to know what had happened that has tipped her over the edge.

pikapikachu · 13/08/2019 00:50

I'd be fucking fuming and crossing her off the list of babysitters (assuming that she was looking after the 9 year old)

If my child was behaving badly then I'd rather a call demanding that I pick them up however far away or inconvenient it is to me!or the child's Dad.

pikapikachu · 13/08/2019 00:52

I'd be bloody impressed if my children hadn't smacked her back.

ClemDanFango · 13/08/2019 00:54

Not sure I could stop myself from whacking her back to be honest. There’s not a fucker on this earth who would get away with hitting my DCs.

Weezol · 13/08/2019 01:05

My 78 year old mother and 82 year old aunt don't smack.

They're from a culture which still thinks smacking is fine.

Her age is no excuse - I got a 'good smacking' from a relative when I was young, exactly as Towel42 describes.
It was a straight up beating by a bigger, stronger perpetrator on a smaller, weaker child.

Get your kid home and never, ever leave her alone with him again.

BruceAndNosh · 13/08/2019 01:19

The same way I'd feel if anyone.. ever laid so much as a breath of unnecessary air on my child
Smacking children is definitely wrong but WTF is this nonsense about "so much as a breath of unnecessary air"?

FamilyOfAliens · 13/08/2019 06:53

MIL didn’t even get a chance to lay a hand on my DC - she made it clear to me and DH that she would smack if necessary, as it was what she believed in. She never babysat for them - ever.

BertieBotts · 13/08/2019 07:24

No WAY would the generation "excuse" work here, surely she has been the child's grandparent for 9 years, that is plenty of time for the subject to have come up and the parents' wishes made totally clear.

I would be upset about, but probably forgive a grandparent smacking a toddler, who was their first grandchild (or first one the parents disapprove of smacking), in error - perhaps the subject had never come up and they genuinely did not realise it was not the done thing any more - in some parts of the UK it is still common. But by nine surely this has come up before - either as a threat you should have very clearly overruled, a throwaway comment about children's behaviour "these days", a news item about it being considered for a ban, a suggestion when you mentioned a current behaviour issue, them witnessing you using a different form of discipline (whether they agree or not), etc. In nine years they are not aware of your wishes? I call bullshit.

CucinaBreakfast · 13/08/2019 08:18

Absolutely livid, is how I'd feel. Once i found out what had happened I'd let her know that in front of your dc, making sure he knows you're on his side and would protect him. Disgraceful to assault a child