How do you flirt?

[SouthernMan]

I know, what a pathetic question to have to ask, right? I've been thinking about this a lot really, and I realise I don't really know the answer. I'm that archetypal perma-friendzone guy. The guy who will talk to women and get on great, thanks very much. But do I ever get the vibe that they might want something more? No!

I realise that this may actually stem from a feeling that it takes a lot for me to let people in, but I would love to finally think that I have something approaching a love life. Can you guys give me some tips or things to work on that might improve my chances of being seen as something more than a friend?

Do you have someone in mind?

No such thing as friend-zone.

There is no generic 'flirting', just as there are no generic women. Something that would have someone else planning a date and exchanging numbers would make me mime barfing, and vice versa. The same way that the same thing wouldn't work on you and your best friend. As a pp said, do you have someone in mind?

And I agree there's no such thing as 'friend-zone', far less a 'perma' one. My DH and I were good friends before we became a couple. A very distant ex of mine is now one of my closest friends.

I sense that you are too eager and come on to strong. That can give women concerns about feeling suffocated and most women just dont want to do THAT much emotional labour.

All very good points, thanks everyone, but I'm in a position where I don't have a lot of success at all. I never really get the vibe that women are flirting with me. I fully accept that no one person will appeal to everyone. Would anyone like to suggest what flirting looks like to them?

There is no single answer to this, Noble is completely right. For some women, compliments and tactility might work, for others it might be engaging in stimulating conversation that they find interesting, others still it might be aloofness and disinterest, and on and on.
The single biggest bit of advice I can offer is to work on your own self confidence that you are worthy of attention and affection, and stop focusing on this mythical ‘friend zone’

I don't know what I consider flirting as such but I might think someone was interested in me if they were trying to get to know me with lots of questions. It makes me feel like they're interested in me and what I'm about. Lots of smiling and positive body language as well. Compliments too although nothing too heavy - more, your hair looks really nice or that dress really suits you type things. All those small things would probably make me think they had an interest in me.

Agreed, @Candle. OP, it sounds as if you’ve formed this limiting idea of yourself as unsuccessful FriendZone Man, and that’s what you’re giving out. It’s hard — it’s hard for everyone when putting themselves out there — but you need to believe in yourself as worthy of attention and attraction, not belittle yourself as the eternal platonic sidekick. That’s always attractive — a sense that someone knows who they are.

What worked for me was straight to the point talk. Dh said he was looking for marriage and would I be interested in seeing if we would be a great match? He at the time was a family friend and I agreed to talk and take it from there. That approach might not work for you or any potential someone. My friend finds funny guys very attractive and sis in law famously broke up with a great guy because she found him boring (thank God she did this early as he found it hard to get over her and did low level stalking for a while).

I can however tell you a good rule, don’t speak harshly about any ex and don’t over complement them. If you must mention them remain neutral or state facts only.

Yeah, I don't really like the term 'friendzone' either, I was just using it as a short hand way of making my point. I've been out of the game for so long now, I just feel like I don't really know what I'm doing.

My advice? Stop trying to be women’s friends when you want to date them. If you want to go out with them ask them.

It’s just as confusing for us.

Well everyone is different in what they like but for me it would be they focus primarily on you while you’re speaking so you know they’re interested in what your saying, smiling and holding your gaze a little bit longer, little touches like a hand on your arm. For other’s it may freak them out but for me that would be an idea they’re interested and want to be closer than friends

I tried to find a YouTube video of "Smita Smitten Sex Kitten" but sadly failed.

OP if you continually have good friendships with women but struggle to take them to a romantic level, then you probably need to look at your attachment styles rather than silly "pick up" gimicks.

Have you asked any of your female friends what would encourage them to recommend you to their single friends?