So my relationship with DH is going to shit. It's been on a downwards turn since we had kids and I just don't know what to do anymore.
Since having kids it's become apparent to us both I have always been the leader in the relationship. The responsible one. At times I have felt like I have 3 kids to contend with.
I'd say troubles really started after we had our second child. I had to get a job working evenings while he worked days. It meant I pretty much did everything at home and I got no time to spend on myself. Which I did resent him for. I also ended up spending most evenings we were off together on my own because it was the only chance I got to have 'me time'.
Things have been hard on both sides. We did both struggle to adjust to being parents in the beginning. I really struggled with the part time evenings (it was working in a police control room so bloody stressful!) and I was really depressed. I know he was fed up with being stuck in every night with the kids too.
I've gone back to working full time and now all we do is argue. I feel like we have just got too used to being completely separate that neither of us wants or likes the other being there. Weekday night we alternate so that we can get some time for ourselves. Anytime we are home together it's just spent in from of the telly with no conversation. There is no conversation or intimacy. If I instigate either it is shut down or all one way. He instigates neither. But he will happily spend all evening texting people on his phone or talking to his mates on his Xbox if he's on that. I try to arrange child care for us to have dates together to reconnect. It is always me who does this and if I don't it doesn't happen.
He has blatantly checked out of our relationship. We have talked and talked and talked about things. He says he is unhappy. Thinks he might be depressed. He wants it to change. But it never does. He is denying any affair but in some ways I would think an affair would be easier. I asked him to leave a few weeks ago but he came back at the end of the day promising big changes. There have been none. Final straw I think has been this week I have been really ill with an ear infection, been looking after the kids cos I'm on holiday and he hasn't given a fucking shit about me. No cuddles, no sympathy. Just sitting downstairs drinking and playing Xbox while I'm in bed crying.
I'd be happier if he left TBH. I would sooner be on my own than with someone who blatantly doesn't love me. I couldn't afford it really but I think my parents would help me out if needs be.
I just don't know what to do anymore.
Any advice? Anyone?