Date night disappointment

[Elizabethane]

We finally got to go on a date night at the weekend after months of not going out together. It was my inlaws' idea and they offered to babysit, saying we needed some down time together as a couple.
DH forgot to eat during the day time and drank 2 pints of very strong beer before our meal. He was slurring by the last 1/3 of his second pint and I told him. He said he felt drunk. I then ordered water as I had also had 2 large gins and I was feeling the effects. DH continued to drink throughout the meal.
We got home and he was drunk, I felt ok, but v tired as I had been awake the previous night for 2 hours with DC1.
DH poured himself some water without a word to me and went to bed without checking in on the kids after inlaws had left.

I went in to check on the children before going to bed myself and the baby woke up.
After 1.5 hours of rocking and shushing, the baby was still awake and it was 1.30am by this point. I woke a sleeping DH and asked for help with the baby. He lost the plot and yelled at me for waking the baby in the first place by checking in on him. He was still drunk and his eyes were red raw; he swapped with me and I went to bed, but after 10 minutes began yelling at me to take over with the baby as he was drunk and needed sleep. I was awake for another 1.5 hours after DH's yelling woke the baby even more.
And this is why we don't have date nights. It means I get hardly any sleep if the kids wake up after we've arrived late home because he's had too much to drink to deal with them. It puts me off.
Atleast if he goes out with friends, I can get to bed early and deal with the children whilst he drinks.
I would love to be able to let myself go and enjoy our date nights, but he has no self-discipline and is too selfish to allow me to let myself go for a change whilst he does the night shift. He doesn't realise that by him getting so drunk, I have to be the responsible parent and take over. I just feel like he ruined the night. He didn't need to get drunk.
The baby is too young to stay over at my inlaws house so that wouldn't be an option just yet.
I haven't spoken to him since the weekend. Would you be disappointed too?

I'd be very disappointed and upset, and also very concerned if this was an ongoing pattern.

Is there any reason you needed to go into the baby's room? Could you not just have gone to bed together?

You could always just agree not to drink as much? It's obviously not fun for either of you when you get drunk.

He won't agree to that @lisbon. I would have liked to have gone to bed together, he went up without me, too drunk to say anything.

I always check in on my kids after being out, doesn't everyone?

Perhaps you should’ve eaten first. Getting So drunk when you know you’ve small kids to come back to was ridiculous he’s responsible for himself and what he drinks he knew it was strong beer and drank it anyway. Very immature really. I wouldn’t want to be with someone like that.
Plenty time for drinking when kids are older you can take turns so one is sober or be grown up and drink moderately so you’re relaxed not pissed.
Myself and my partner went for ‘date night’ on sat night to celebrate an anniversary and he had a beer and I had a coke could’ve had a drink when I got home but really was happy to be out of the house tbh. Decide the point of date night
Is it to get pissed
Or spend time together
or it’s pointless having a babysitter really

I agree @kaykay.
I'm happy at 2 drinks, just to feel relaxed. Id get more merry if he agreed to stay sober bow and then. I believe that 2 drunk adults taking care of children is neglect and a potential health and fire hazard. He says its a "waste of a babysitter" unless he gets drunk.

He doesn't drink often, just gets drunk whenever he drinks.

No more date nights then. I can't stand people who have to get drunk whenever they drink.

bit of a mess of a situation, i'm sure you know it was stupid to try and wake someone who was drunk after they were asleep less than 2 hours ( of course who still be drunk if he was incapable of even saying goodnight ,and you wanted him to mind a crying baby?) rather than criticise either of you, just to suggest some practical solutions, rethink date night get concert/ theatre tickets, go to a gig or cinema and say you will go for a drink on way home.. if your not drinking before and during a meal it will be a better night, or go to a restaurant where its byob, and so you limit yourselves to a nice bottle of wine to share or a few beers you bring with you..not drinking often probably means when you do go out drinking its pushed to excess so limit how this is possible, go to new different restaurants further away, get him to drive somewhere and you drive next time. obviously only applies if you have a car i'm just throwing ideas out there. Like you i'd check on kids but when one used to wake if door was opened , I had babysitter leave door open so I could check without going in, or use a monitor you can look into. If its just a tricky age with kids and lack of sleep makes going out more trouble- then have date afternoons, go for a walk together , have a bag of chips and a leisurely afternoon/ early evening together. The babysitter/ gps may need to be trained how to get kids down but sometimes this works well with other peoples schedules. think of bliss of coming home to kids in bed..

Oooh Dear. This is fast turning into a "Drinking When Having" children argument.

Date night was spoiled but that's not the main issue here, to a degree.

You should be able to have a night off and he deals with the kids in the evening and lets you have a lay in the morning.

If you don't get it, he doesn't get it. I'd be so pissed off at the double standard that I would have left him holding the baby a long time ago to make a hard point.

I say this as a recovering alcoholic if your husband cannot or will not control his drinking he has a problem. Totally selfish and irresponsible behaviour by him. You need to have a serious talk... GOOD luck.

You can still have date nights but next time how about both of you don't drink alcohol? I think that would be a better plan, until the baby starts sleeping straight through.

I say this as a recovering alcoholic if your husband cannot or will not control his drinking he has a problem

Eh? He hardly ever drinks. So clearly he is controlling his drinking, he just over does it when he goes out, he clearly doesn't drink much if he's wankered after two beers.

Oh you must continue to have date nights.....with yourself.

My ideal date night begins and ends in a hotel room.
I arrive at 5pm with one bag full of lovely bath stuff, face masks, body lotions, bubbly stuff and another larger bag full of snacks and drinks and dips and half bottles of champagne.
I make full use of the hotel facilities and have a lovely nap 10-midnight. Then go downstairs to my cab.

Leave dh with the babysitters, they are his parents after all.

But seriously, see how he reacts to a date that doesn't involve drinking. Fish n chips and a walk along the sea etc. I often found lunchtime dates were less stressful too.
If downtime for him must involve more than a relaxing glass of wine, you got dh probs.

I much prefer day time dates for this reason. It was the idea of the ILs that we go out on the evening, get dressed up and go out for a fancy meal together. I don't think they expected either of us to get paraletic though! And neither did I really. It's been so long, I'd forgotten that he would get drunk.

I ate a light meal with the children at 4pm and made some for him to eat, but he said he was "saving" himself.

It's a lack of discipline and overindulgence with him, he just can't seem to help himself. I refused to attend any more wedding receptions with him a couple of years ago as he just indulges in free booze. It's disappointing if we have to have chats about how much he can drink before he goes out. Makes me feel like his mother.