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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Should we separate

2 replies

Pippapeppa · 12/08/2019 11:31

Hi, this is my first post on here and I'm looking for some relationship advice. I've been with my husband for 20 years and we have 2 children aged 10 and 8. My husband has always been strong minded but was great fun when I met him, I am more quiet and thoughtful so I found this trait really attractive. We've had fun over the years but the last 5 plus years have been really difficult. He has become obsessed with work and money to the point where last year he invested in a large rental property requiring loads of work. I begged him not to do this as we didn't really have the money and he insisted it will be fine. Ever since we have paid for this. He's borrowed money from me to fund the project, worked 7 days a week around the clock leaving me doing everything at home. Taking care of the children, in every way, doing every bedtime, taking them to clubs etc etc. I also started doing more hours at work to make life easier financially which was on the understanding that he would help more at home - it's been quite the opposite. I'm at the end of my tether and feel quite used, I didn't want any of this. To make matters worse when we are together as a family he is constantly on his phone, watching programs he wants and generally being there in body but not soul. I know this is partly because he is shattered because of the hard work he has put into the property over the last 12 months but this is why I was against the idea. I'm totally fed up and feel that things would be easier on my own but it's such a hard decision to make and he's not the easiest to talk to. Any thoughts please.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 12/08/2019 11:36

How far off is he from finishing the property project?
What is the plan when it's finished?
Is it a flip and sell to make money?

I think you really need to sit him down and talk to him about all of this.
Tell him what you have told us.
If he won't listen then it's ultimatum time.
He either agrees to joint counselling to sort this out or you separate.
He can stay in the new property.

I think this can be resolved but he needs to listen and be on board and able to compromise to sort it all out.
If he won't then you are flogging a dead horse!

Pippapeppa · 12/08/2019 11:49

The property is to be rented so we won't be shot of it. It might make us some money but that remains to be seen to be honest I don't really care, I just want to be happy and stress free.
The likelihood is if I am frank and honest with him that he'll up and leave very dramatically which I don't want for the children's sake.

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