Think my boyfriend is lying to me about viagra?

[Feelinglost95]

Found it in his wash bag 2 months ago. There were 2 packs of four that were empty and 2 packs of 4 that looked un opened but didn’t look inside to find out. All 100mg.

I brought it up to him and he said he’s taken 10 tablets in our 4 year relationship and just needed them for reassurance when he was very stressed.

He said he’s not used them for months and is feeling a lot better about sex now and doesn’t feel the need.

We had sex last night and i can’t see when he could have taken them, plus he lost his erection after it slipped out and his willy got a bit hurt (sorry if TMI) and then couldn’t get the erection back, which makes me think he can’t have been taking it?

Only thing is reading online most people split 100mg pills into 2 or 3 meaning if there were 8 missing pills that was more like 16 or 24 which would mean he’s been taking it a lot more than he’s saying. Especially as we went through a really dry spell a year ago and were having sex every other month.

He mentioned he had a pill splitter once and I asked to borrow it this morning for my pills and he said he didn’t know where it was which made me think he was or is using it for the viagra!

We’re doing it once a week now and I just want to know if he’s lying about the pills?

It's hard to say (no pun intended), are there occasions when sex is different that you can recall? I think he probably is lying the fact that he struggled when you DTD last night. Men can under perform when stressed etc they're not robots but the fact that he has Viagra at that quantity would suggest he uses them frequently.

Never noticed the sex being different. Him struggling after the injury last night actually made me feel more reassured that he’s not taking the viagra at the mo?

To be fair if he’s not splitting the 100mg I only have evidence that he’s taken 10 pills in the 4 years we’ve been together but who knows.

What difference does it make?

It doesn’t make any difference I suppose @simone1863 but I feel like I’ve been lied to about it and it feels quite strange knowing we’ve been having sex for 4 years without me knowing, and to be honest I still don’t know. He swears he doesn’t have erectile dysfunction and just needs it as a boost but if this were the case why would he be taking it so often? He’s also only 38.

Obviously I’d prefer he didn’t have ED and it could just happen naturally but in either case I just want the truth.

If anyone has any experience with it that might stop me feeling a bit strange about it all that would be appreciated

My DP has used viagra in various forms for 5 years. He's 42. Honestly, I wouldn't be able to tell you with 100%accuracy if he'd taken it that day or not. Sometimes I ask. Sometimes it doesn't work. Sometimes it does. He hid it for the first 3months of our relationship but that was because he was insecure and worried about mentioning it at the beginning of a relationship. Now we are open about it.

Leave him be. If he needs it, talking about it might not be right for him at the moment. DP struggles still now with having to take them sometimes.

I'm 35 and have been taking it occasionally since I was 30.

I was quite surprised to find that a small amount of nerves/stress had an absolutely disastrous effect on my ability to get/maintain an erection, just having the Viagra about puts my mind at ease a great deal.

I'm not in a long term relationship though!

Yabvu to refer to it as a willy.....

He shouldn't have to tell you about it, just as if you were taking medication you're not obliged to tell him. Don't make an issue of it.

I know I’m being unreasonable, but how I do I stop being upset and stop feeling hard done by because he needs this medicine for us to have a sex life? We haven’t got kids yet and I worry this will be more of an issue when we are eventually ttc?

I don't know enough about it's uses but I could imagine it might cause a bit of embarrassment if too much of a deal is made about it. He might retreat more & stop using it.

He's obv trying to maintain your sex life by taking it. It's best not to add any pressure in this circumstance.

What are your concerns about him using it? That has not being honest about ED? Are you worried he's using them for someone else?

Just seen your last post. He's not using it because he's not attracted to you, honestly. Stress etc can effect it.

If he went flacid during or wasn't able to perform at all, you could feel like it's you (which it won't be!!) He's doing this for your/his benefit. To prevent any embarrassing situations happening, to stop you feeling it's because of you.

OP - the best way to make him more nervous and hence have more issues with erections is to do what you are doing - making it an issue and making it all about yourself.
And yes - also put a label - ED - on it, too.
Many men, of all ages have confidence issues. And once it happens - getting over it takes patience and being respectful and letting him deal with it on his own. Unless he asks/tells you - you don’t get to be demanding and pushing for ‘truth’.
You can, of course, do it. But it will get the opposite result.

Does he have diabetes or any other contributing factor?
ED is often the first sign of a chronic problem.
I would encourage a check up at the GP to make sure that stress and anxiety is the only cause.

@weenurse - he’s had a few blood tests done recently and all come back clear, his blood pressure is good but maybe has high cholesterol and we are waiting to hear back on that. Nothing worrying came back though.

I will stress this now. ED is NOT a reflection in whether he finds you attractive. Period. If there is an issue with an erection, Megan fox could be laying there breasts out fondling him and nothing would happen. Don't make this about you.

I just don’t like the feeling of second guessing what he’s telling me, he promises he’s only taken 10 but I’m almost certain it’s been a lot more. Also I’m a bit frustrated that there’s a problem, not with him of course but just with life.

Hey OP, I know of quite a few young men who take Viagra and largely they don't have major ED issues. More often they have confidence and performance issues.

Men often feel a huge amount of pressure in the bedroom, they often feel responsible for both parties enjoyment of the act. That on it's own is enough to "kill the passion" very occasionally. Then there's the amount of porn that young men have consumed in their lifetimes, where all the men have 9"+ rock solid penises for as long as they like.

You just need to look around Mumsnet to see the lack of understanding of Mens performance and how it affects them mentally. Comments like "2 minutes of fumbling" etc are common and these affect men the same as pictures of size 6 women in bikinis affect some men.

I knew one guy who admitted to me (a good 10 years ago) that he'd used Viagra every time with his girlfriend and they'd been together a year and he didn't know how to raise the subject. He could get and maintain an erection without it.

What I'm saying is, don't worry. He has his reasons and I'm sure making sure that you were not let down was a big part of that. Embarrassment and misunderstanding would be a big reason for keeping this to himself.

Hi OP

I wouldn't worry but it sounds like you're a bit concerned and hat's more important is creating an environment where he can be more open. Lots of men have to take it including my DP. He wasnt honest with me originally but we had to talk more when we started trying for a baby. That helped me because for years I thought i was the issue.

I can never tell if he has taken it and even when he does it can still lead to him not being able to finish so it's nothing to worry about. Once we started talking more it got easier. He also went to see a GP and got prescribed some better ones which you can take the day before and allow for more spontaneity.

I just see it as a legal recreational drug. Unless you think he is using it and having sex with someone elsewhere, l don’t see a problem or the need for you to know.

Being a woman of a certain age (well into 40s) l suspect l’ve had sex with a few people who’ve taken it, but never felt the need to ask.