When a Stranger knocks on your door

[Boozysuzy84]

So two weeks ago a stranger knocked on my door to tell me my husband and partner of 17 years was having an affair (with his girlfriend) I was totally shell shocked and confused because he is always here. Turns out when he had started playing football 2 months previously on Thursday nights he was actually meeting another woman in hotels.

The first thing h said to me wasn't to apologise it was to say our relationship was heading that way anyway regardless of "the last few week" as he hadn't felt the same way about us for at least a year. Total news to me, our family life had been contented and normal.

Its really starting to hit me now, can hardly eat and have lost 16lb from 155lb in two weeks. I cant sleep and I can barely get out of bed. My son is the only thing keeping me going. He is 3.

Thankfully he has went to stay on his parents sofa to give me some space. I dont know how long that will last.

The relationship is 100% over as he was actually unfaithful before we married and I gave him another chance.

People that have been in the same situation how long until you felt a bit better? How long until the good days outweighed the bad? Everything is so raw just now I cant see how I will ever feel ok again?

Hi OP
I couldn't read and run, I had an ex a while back that kept cheating on me and I kept forgiving him and hoping it would change. It was my fault apparently I was to blame. It came to a head when it was one of my best friends and it broke me I was so drained and felt like it was all me. It takes time to heal when you have been hurt this bad and you are already doing what you need to focus on your child and yourself build a world for you two. Take a nice walk to a park. He didn't deserve you and as much as it hurts now you will get stronger and you will find happiness.

Your emotions will be like a roller coaster. Take one day at a time, get out as much as possible, lots of walks, the park etc. Even if you don’t feel like it, fresh air and getting out of your 4 walls will do you the power of good.

it was to say our relationship was heading that way anyway regardless of "the last few week" as he hadn't felt the same way about us for at least a year. Total news to me, our family life had been contented and normal

This sort of comment is really common when men get found out. They assert that they've been unhappy for AGES, despite all evidence to the contrary. Most of the time it's just a way for them to pretend that somehow their actions were inevitable. Don't believe it.

I've been where you are, and I can only say "take care of yourself". This is so fresh and raw, and what an awful way to find out. Face to face with her boyfriend, that must have been hard. At least mine was in a letter so I had some privacy.

You deserve better OP - and yes it will get better but not for a while. To be honest I still get angry at times ( like now !) and wish he was here so I could punch his lights out. And it's been years. All you can do is to deal with it now, and then once it's over you can take one day at a time.

I'd suggest getting a lawyer as soon as you can, and finding out what your actions have to be, going forward. Best wishes OP.

Hi. I’m so sorry this happened to you. I’m a guy whose wife decided to leave last year with a three n 5 year old for no obvious reason, yet, anyway. I have the kids 50% and it breaks my heart emotionally. I kidded on I could handle everything at first but only recently realised I couldn’t. I have a good life job etc but nothing gave me pleasure anymore. I was just heartbroken for the kids. They have a great life at both houses but emotionally it will tell every now n then. He’s not been nice at all in the way he’s done it and neither was my OH. But it’s been done and you will grow trust me. The biggest mistake I made was not feeling the impact n emotions right away which would have helped me move on. Cry out as much as you can for as long as you wish. Confide everything raw to your best mate and then you start to feel better. I have just done exactly that and feel I’m on the road to recovery. The other thing I remind myself of is that at least it has happened now and not stolen another ten years of my life. I wish you all the happiness in the world and apologise for being a guy but I really do understand.

I`m gutted for you.
What an arse,
You may not feel it right now,but at some point you will think good riddance to bad rubbish.
No-one deserves to be cheated on,no matter how bad the relationship is.
Get out of it first.
The women is a slut,no self respecting woman would knowingly go out with a married man,and vice versa.
I would shake the guys hand who told you,
The affair could have gone on for years without your knowledge.

So today must be one of the good days compared to yesterday. Been to view a house to rent and realised I'm better off staying here in family home as long as possible and he can sod off. Had a phone call for a job interview! haven't worked since 2012 when we got married and I moved to the middle east for him . sons behaviour is totally horrendous though, hes never been one to tantrum and shout but hes been doing it non-stop this last week. I don't know if it's because hes unsettled after being on holiday or this is impacting him? Hes only 3 and I've just been trying to keep things normal/ busy.

Jimmy law understand what you mean, was trying to carry on as normal and had a total breakdown this weekend