Is it even worth making me ill for? He's hot and cold.

[laceytin]

Been seeing him since may.
I don't know where I stand with him.
Some days he is non stop texting me then other days it's like he doesn't want to know me.
Thursday/Friday was great..great conversation then last night and today like pulling teeth
I text him at 8am and we exchanged a few messages.
Then I text him again at 11am and a few again but it felt like he wasn't making conversation.
It's making my anxiety sky high.
We last text over a hour ago and the last message he sent was a few words so I didn't reply,now nothing since then.
Am I being silly ?

As in I text him a hour ago and he responded but he hasn't text me (as in him initiating texts all day )

Yesterday he initiated conversation twice but today zilch
He has a daughter but she's 16

I've been checking my phone all day and hoping there would be a message from him but nothing

I wouldn’t class myself as a clingy person I fact I prefer a lot of space but I’m in a similar situation where he clearly has control of how fast or slow communication is. It’s irritating so I’ve kind have found myself in a situation where I’m playing his game and giving one word answers and not elaborating unless asked. It’s so childish and unhealthy.

I think you can do one of three things -

1. Have an honest conversation, it might not end well but at least you’re giving you both a chance of getting your feelings out.
2. Play my stupid game.
3. End it, he’s not making you feel secure. You might need to question yourself on why that is, whether you have a point or if you are too clingy but at least you can do it without worrying about the relationship.

So you heard from him an hour ago and you are still uneasy?
Get a hold of yourself OP, that's not healthy at all.

I think he's playing you. Stop messaging him. Stop checking your phone. If he does message, ignore it for at least 24 hours. Go and do something you enjoy, get in some wine and pizza, watch a film. Bet he is

If you aren't usually like this with men, then he's probably lovebombing and then withdrawing, repeatedly, in a cycle to increase the drama and draw you in (effectively to get you addicted to the high of him actually responding and giving you attention). This will make you crazy which also gives him more control as he can then blame anything and everything on your "mental health".

Just end it. Whatever the reason, this particular relationship IS NOT HEALTHY.

Op - is this a virtual or a real relationship?
If it’s a real life one - surely it’s in the person/person interactions that you build a relationship.
You just met each other.
Stop texting so much and monitor text frequency. Get out and date.

Lovebombing, addiction , control, ffs maybe the bloke just wants 5 minutes peace.

Cake if the OP isn't usually like this with men, she ought to give him 5 mins peace and then some.

@laceytin

Get a grip. You've been seeing a man for 3 months and you're freaking out and posting on here after not hearing from him for an hour. That's unhealthy and obsessive.

No real reason to text so much but it seems when he starts texting you, you just drop everything to text with him however long he wants to. As in he only texts when he feels like it and ignores you when he doesn't.

Have you actually met him in person?

This is a lot angst for a text messaging.
Just stop messaging him.
Stop sending him so many messages.
Just wait for him to come to you.
If he doesn't then you know that he's just 'not that into you' and you can bin him off.
He's a headfuck and that's not a good trait.
3 months in and all this crap.
It's really not worth it.

I'd freak out if someone texted me that much!

Don't you have lives to be living or jobs to do??

I think you need to take some time out from dating or you'll drive yourself mad

I had this. Texted all day one day. Demanding my attention, then nothing. Then 5am texts the next day. Then nothing for a week. My anxiety went so high, I ended it. Then he drew me back in after over a month's months break, twice.

The uncertainty, the intimate oversharing, then silence turned me into a MESS. I finally finished it for good. Blocked everywhere. Then thought I would never recover..

However, an old friend has just got in contact and I've agreed a romantic getaway dirty weekend in two weeks and genuinely I cannot wait. We have random conversations, sometimes long sometimes checking in, but somehow it isn't anxiety inducing. Because I know where I stand.

That is the key difference.

Talk to him about it.

You sound very insecure OP.

Do you have to talk every day?

How about you just phone each other once a day instead. Tell him you don't like being glued to the phone for a day long convo
(plus texts can be misunderstood) and would rather just hear his voice instead. Then hold off till he calls you some days.

Apart from the texting how often do you see each other or have a chat on the phone?

Blimey calm down and get a grip. Have some self respect. If you keep going on and pestering of course he will lose interest. Sorry but it's the truth.